Most of my torment comes on or near the dialysis day as fluid build-up contributes to my breathlessness and with the hip joint problem it feels like I am near the summit of Mt. Everest without an oxygen tank support considering that my toilet is just a few feet away from the door of the toilet to the shower and that was after I was wheeled via my wheelchair from my room.
It is so terrible now that I am praying for death to get me already. It is getting absurd with my condition because tandem of complications are trying to bring me down. But I also have a strong desire to live still as well because of my plans not only for my self but also for my family especially for my parents who are getting the burden because of my difficult to manage situation.
But I know after my dialysis for today I will again feel the ease on my breathing, it will not heal my joint pains but it is still way better to get cleaned with my blood and experience once again that I could breathe near normal again. I don't know why my body is still holding all these years because of the physical constraints I had been experiencing all these years while other patients capitulated.
But I wanted to win this battle I still wanted to press on and choose life over death although it will still be fine if I would rest in peace because I am already tired and weary. All my life I am sickly, a subject of pity and now curiosity from people around me but I am okay where fate will lead me. God help me.