My life would have been way more different if I haven't been so disabled by my medical conditions and it is frustrating to feel that you want to do something but are like a leashed dog that can only bark and bark and then return to its stinky dog house. That's me if I were to put it that way.
My history went southward after learning that my kidney condition is that of a type that even I get a kidney transplant the disease would recur so I would suffer the same things again with recurring infections, anemia, anxiety, fatigue, edema, and all that. What is painful is that learning that I have a Hepatitis B so the doctor told me that I cannot get treated because of their "protocol."
It was my birthday that day and we went home and I was crying after that and in many instances from that day. It means I can never get to work abroad because of my Liver infection so it made me think that going to school really is pointless.
Come the day that I went for my first dialysis I thought I won't last long but unfortunately I did. So this condition just prolongs my thoughts in my life's frustrations like travelling even here in my own country.
It is also my dream to get into hiking in some of our beautiful mountains, scuba dive in some coral reefs in a beach near the south islands, or even spend some days with the family on a beach somewhere.
It is quite a big list for a small country destinations but none of those I can go now that I look like this. I also remember that instance when I was still able but went to the beach with my co-patients. As I would begin to dip in the pool the people will leave simply because of my appearance then but I am referring to the bump on my arm, they are spooked with it. I cannot say that my feelings is not affected but I am really.
So I just sometimes would pamper myself with the things that will at least make me feel better temporarily like ordering foods online because that is now how I live my life as it is not the same as before.