Its my dialysis in a few minutes from now and I am always looking forward to this instance in my life. It sucks when you are just reliant in something that makes you feel normal momentarily because dialysis makes my system clean and with that makes my appetite come back to me and I am able to eat and enjoy my food because of that.
As dialysis takes and draws out water from my body it gives me a needed relief like a balloon pierced with its air inside and makes my breathing pattern normal again. So it is just a spectacle for me when that happens because I expect it and never ceases to amaze me.
But the hemodialysis is notorious for making my blood pressure drop into shock levels because it is relatively fast in its action to draw water and other nutrients from the body which I could not endure at times and I have to ask for my dialysis to get cut short of its termination time which saddens me because every bit of time under dialysis is crucial as it is a time for cleaning the blood.
If only there is no complication for the bone then dialysis would be still okay but in 16 years of being a patient took a toll on my body as it transformed me into an ugly creature that some people doesn't want to even look at much less to deal with and it affects me deep within even though I try no to get affected.
But I am a creature of feelings so even the smallest and slightest jests, look, smiles I can sense and observe so more often I just close my eyes and pretend that I am not seeing it all. It is just my life now and part of the things in my life that I endure.