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I have all the time in the world, I can sleep whenever I wanted and or stay up all night if I also want that. There are no limits and no barriers and there are no pressures for my time because I own it. That is just the beauty of owning your own time and not getting enslaved by having to be pressured to do something and it is the kind of freedom that I am enjoying.
I do believe that I haven't got much time in this world that is why I am using every second of it to matter at least for the people around me although I am a hindrance or a drag to others I should say but I am doing what I can to lighten up the load that I am bring to the people around me.
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Steem community just made me use my time productively by writing and blogging and empowering others and bring value to the community as much as I can. You can just accept me or ignore me and you can also value me or belittle me. That is just a reflection of the offline world but at least here I had found people that cared and value me and that is what I am very thankful for from the bottom of my heart.
So I am just here accepting the fact that I am like a prisoner physically, I could not go out or do the things that I was doing before, my hobbies and my simple chores are thrown out to the window and never to be taken again. I am just stuck with people having to influence my life and decisions which breaks my heart.
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Sometimes I feel to just end it all but my physical body for an unknown force influencing it just is a very hard nut to crack. I am like the energizer battery that keeps on going on and on and on and on. It has been so many years and maybe God really is working on me and that I have a very special purpose in this life and that I am looking in my life in a wrong way.
But for whatever reason or purpose that I have this lifetime that God has given me it is still very hard life so I just wanted to really have an ending already, I am ready but it is not my call but God's will be done.