Photo Caption: Me after the hospital yesterday.
I feel like shit today. I slept like shit, had a headache before bed. Bad mood, internet is out so that’s part of it.
I spent an hour literally debating on a microdose. Part of why I wasn’t sure was gut pain, I made the mistake of eating some cereal yesterday as an experiment and am paying for it.
I think part of my frustration is also the fact that my diet still isn’t working for me. The foods I enjoy make me sick so I’m not really sure what else to do but go back to eating only meat. Likely will still have to wait a few months due to budge, but we will see.
1:15 Took a microdose with the hope of more creative ability. Also took some aspirin and charcoal too so the dose might not even work. Hoping it also improves my mood because today I don’t even feel like I have 1 spoon. If today doesn’t improve, then I take a few days off microdosing and see how I feel.
I thought about deleting the stuff before this to make way for a post about what really happened but I think it’s worth sharing because it shows the beginning stages of the poisoning.
At about 4 this morning I woke up and rolled over. Nothing too different but when I rolled over the room kept spinning and kept spinning. Scared me enough to get out of bed. I tried to go to the bathroom because my gut was killing me.
I went to bed with horrible gut pain I attributed to some frosted flakes cereal I snacked on the day before. I took probably 10 charcoal capsules yesterday alone and 3 more before bed. I had a feeling things weren’t right.
So yeah I think the charcoal wore off which is why I woke up with the symtoms I had. I felt like I needed to use the bathroom just couldn’t. I couldn’t even pee.
I remained extremely dizzy in the bathroom up against a wall until I turned on the light. That helped what I was experiencing but the abdominal pain got more.
I started to google and at first I thought maybe I was sold the wrong mushroom and that I was intoxicated from that. I woke up my boyfriend who insisted we go to the hospital.
The feelings came in waves of awful followed by slight improvement. Then it’d get bad again. So I was back and forth crying like “I need to go” and “I don’t want to go anywhere.” By that point he’d woken others up with the vehicle and they were preparing to take me.
I had awful neck pain that was concerning to me along with all of this, it was clear something was wrong but I couldn’t place what.
The drive to the hospital was long and difficult because of the time of day. By the time we got there I had to pee so bad I was nauseated. Even the car sitting on but not moving was enough movement to make me feel awful. I got out of the car at one point to sit on the sidewalk.
When I was out of the car I realized my nausea was related to having to pee. So considering it was still dark out and there was no one around, I quickly pulled down my pants and peed right there behind the car. I almost even got sick while peeing but felt immediately better after.
When we got inside the medic asked me to put on a mask which made me burst into tears. Wearing a mask makes me nauseated on the best of days. I refused. Eventually I just put one on for show on my chin.
I asked for a bathroom cause I had to pee AGAIN and he pointed me to it. But I was so dissociated from what I was feeling I literally walked in the storage room with the mops, peed in the drained area of the floor and walked out. In my defense, there was a water spout that could be used to rinse up. It seemed a lot like a bathroom would be in the middle east.
Finally they get me in a room. I think I had to wait for the doctor to come from his house because it took awhile. At least it felt like a long time. Finally he came, examined me and asked questions.
We told him we thought it was botulism and why and he agreed. The nurse came back with two huge needles of antitoxin. I knew what they were immediately and felt relief but anxiety.
Turns out the anxiety was founded. She had me lay on my side cause I couldn’t lay on my stomach. The needle went in and deep and I screamed. And screamed and screamed. Way worse than getting the IUD was and I had to roll over and get a second one.
And I couldn’t even move my leg to roll over. It temporarily paralyzed me from the waist down which they said was normal. It sure as hell didn’t FEEL normal but even with all that pain I noticed the gut pain and dizziness had subsided. I was in pain but at least I was with it again.
The doctor wanted me to stay but that would have been a minimum of like 8000 pesos. I don’t have that so we got perscriptions and left. The perscription was for muscle pain related to intestinal issue. So spasms from the toxin. He also perscribed activated charcoal, which thankfully I was already taken.
I don’t really want to know how bad it would have been if I wasn’t taking activated charcoal every 2 hours yesterday. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, that shit is fucking straight up magic and I will ALWAYS have some on hand for stuff like this.
The botulism likely came from the honey preservation. Perhaps the jar wasn’t sterile when he sealed it. I don’t know but I have straight up thrown that whole jar out and am effectively scared off microdosing for awhile. If I really need help with productivity, I’ll take a little modafinil which is WAY safer and in my experience has no side effects.
So be careful about anything preserved in jars that you didn’t preserve yourself. Learn from my mistakes. A little productivity and creativity is not worth what I just went through, it just isnt.
And the thought occurs to me, had I tried to take a full dose I’d be dead. The combination of microdosing and activated charcoal is likely the ONLY reason I am okay enough to write this right now.
So microdosing botulism is not recommended. -36 out of ten rating.
An update on the rest of the day, symptoms I am still experiencing because I think its important because I found no first hand reports.
I have been sweating way more than usually, probably processing out the toxin. This might be TMI but I’ve been peeing chemicals from the antidote since I got it. I still have stomach pain. Have a no appetite.
I had a really hard time falling asleep last night. I was wide awake despite everything and the fact that I was exhausted all day. The symptoms of the botulism get worse at night for me. Part of why I had a hard time falling asleep was I was afraid to turn off the lights. Afraid that it would end in the spins again.
Eventually I fell asleep and I woke up early, bothered by other things that came out as a result of this.
It’s also come to my attention that some people honestly think I’m going to be stupid enough to do this again. Like as if a near death experience wasn’t enough for me. For the record, Im effectively not interested in ANY psychedelics right now and that’s the first time I have felt this way.