Introducing myself (again). This is my story about nearly becoming a college dropout to rising to personal success. Please, if you are someone or know someone struggling with depression or anxiety, please follow me. I hope that I can help to plant seeds of strength and hope and help anyone through their tough time. Tough times don't last, but tough people do! I'll start with my story because that's the only way you will truly get to know me and my spirit here on steemit .
When I was an adolescent/young adult, my grandmother tried to hit me with her car, my step dad pointed a gun at me, and my maternal family banded together to spend over $15k in money that was left to me after my biological father died. My childhood was worse but I'll keep my backstory recent. Many more things happened but you get the jist of my hell of a life while navigating high school. My freshman year was pretty awesome, but as time progressed, I was bullied because I always stood my ground in my beliefs. I became a hermit my sophomore year because of a bad cystic acne breakout. A young male teacher even made an embarrassing joke telling me to stop doing drugs! I had never done drugs in my life. Anyway the combo of bad skin and bad nerves wasn't a very good look on me. I went through a few therapy sessions, got my clear skin back, and picked up a little self esteem. I even dated a little bit! When I graduated high school in 2012 I left Kansas to return to my birth state. I wasn't brave enough to stay put and live near the people who had done me wrong nearly my whole life. I didn't even want to go to college with the people that spent all those years making fun of me for the various reasons.
I wanted a fresh start, mainly I wanted to go somewhere I knew I would be safe and free from harm. I moved into the campus dorms with nothing but my awards, achievement documents, a few clothing items, a couple pairs of shoes and some flip flops. A family member drove me to my destination in her old Ford Explorer. She spent all she could to get me settled in, I will never forget what she did for me.
While I wasn't completely on my own, I was alone, and I liked it that way. I'd met a lot of awesome people at orientation and it was exciting! But I didn't really fit in... I had all these issues, I was so quiet, I couldn't hold a conversation... the list goes on. I soon began to avoid these people.... avoidance was my natural defense mechanism. My goal wasn't to make friends though, I was going to get a job and save all the money I could! That was my mission! I knew that no one else could harm me (unless I put myself into a bad situation), steal from me, or force me to do anything I didn't want to... I had a strategy. I was going to keep to myself and do what I needed to do. I was going to do all the things my mentors told me to do. I was going to prove my family wrong.
I chose my school by it's location within the city. The campus was surrounded by fast food chains, stores, and credit unions. I knew that if I could just get a job I would be set! So here I am fresh out of high school wandering the busiest road in my college city, dressed in the best clothes I had, dripping sweat scoping out the area, and looking for places that were hiring. I landed my first job, opened a checking account and started building credit by getting a small loan. I soon started working a second job, and quit the first after a couple weeks. I was so proud of myself. I even landed a campus job that worked flawlessly with my school schedule!
But overall, I was a nervous wreck, with stiff body language, shaky hands and sweaty palms... even in all the places that I knew I was safe. I had all the academic potential in the world but I couldn't focus in class, I had a hard time focusing. It was the little things that distracted me, things like shifting in seats, or the drop of a pencil. I failed my history class my first semester. I cried in my room and thought about quitting. A few semesters later I retook the class and passed with a B!
It took two extra years but I'm almost done with my degree plan! Since I got my anxiety under control, I've made the deans list almost every semester! Now, I have a semester left to complete then an internship beginning January 2018! My freshman and junior year of college helped me realize I needed more professional help with depression and anxiety. Today, I meditate at least 3 times a day, I pray, and walk hand in hand with God. I now ask God for the things I need. I have my own little family now and an adorable son. I found that I am truly beautiful inside and out, and I always have been! I know for a fact now that nothing can change that! I am so thankful and grateful for the enlightenment I've received since 2012!!!
Please! If this touches you don't hesitate to reach out! I am here for all!