People who read some posts from me already know, I suffer from chronic migraines. For many years I could manage this condition well and did not suffer impairments while working. But in the last two years this changed. The frequency of episodes went up and they lasted for many days so working became more difficult (I worked as a freelancer and had to journey through the whole country). With the growing pain came the sorrows, which firstly were more than justified, but over time got a live of themselves. The sorrow and angst turned into rumination and with every bad thought I had, my brain became more trained in having sorrows and in feeling sad. The constant repetition of negative thoughts does not help to solve the underlying problem - very often rumination occurs when the problem is not (easily) solvable. As you will know ruminating is not very helpful, it deteriorates your health situation, lowers your self-esteem, damages your overall wellbeing and may be a symptom of depression.
What to do? Here are my 5 strategies to overcome rumination:
Get out of your own head
When I am stuck in a cycle of negative and futile thoughts I find it very helpful to change the perspective. Obviously, my brain cannot present a solution, because in a moment of rumination I am only repeating the same old thoughts. Therefore, I stop the rumination by asking me: What would a good friend advice / answer to my worries. What would I advise if someone presented me with my negative thoughts?
In most cases this change of perspective not only interrupts your negative thought pattern, it often will bring helpful new ways to deal with the problem. I for example have many friends who exhibit much more equanimity in taxing and stressful situations. I instantly know which strategies they would recommend and they can become a role-model for me. I get a new starting point for changing my behaviour. Besides the change of perspective enables me to distance myself from all the negative feelings which normally arise while ruminating. This happens because I direct my thought away from my own perspective.
The second question is (at least for me) a more emotional approach. By attributing my problems to a fictive person, I can show so much more compassion. Often rumination is accompanied by self-blaming and denial of a harsh and bad situation, I tell myself things I would never say to someone else.
Gratitude (diary)
Often worry, sadness, and circling thought occur at night or in the morning while lying sleepless in your bed. One strategy to interrupt the rumination is to focus on all the good things which you have in your life. And with all, I really mean all. Sum up every single good thing you can find, start with the simple and proceed with more difficult ideas, for example: I have a bed, clean water, a room to live in, an interesting book to read, a loving housemate, wonderful trees in front of my window, delicious tea, a funny serial to watch and so on. You can make lists of things you are able to do, like listening to music, drawing, or planting flowers, and you can make list of people, animals, and things in your live you really like. Try to really feel the gratitude for all those blessings. You can make this exercise completely in your head or you can write it down, maybe as a daily exercise every evening. I prefer the writing, because you can see all your good things and they gain more impact because the writing is more substantial than a list in your head. Also writing down your blessings every day can become a supporting habit, which helps to improve your mood not only in (rumination) emergencies.
Naikan (short version)
This is a kind of ‘opposite-gratitude’ technique which originates in Japan. Although at a first glance, this technique seems to be counter intuitive, it is highly effective. To stop ruminating, feeling sad and helpless this method invites you to ask yourself the following three questions:
What did I receive?
What did I give?
What troubles and difficulties did I cause?
To answer these questions, sit down in a quiet place for a fixed period (10 - 20 minutes). Start with the first question and write down everything what you received this day, everything where somebody helped you. In this reflection, it is of no concern if the help was intended, was given with a bad or god purpose, or if it was someone’s job to help. For clarification I write down some examples:
My partner prepared hot water for my tea
He went to work to earn money for our living together
I walked through our stairs, which were cleaned by my neighbours
A friend invited me in her studio to try out a new drawing technique
She let me use of all her equipment
A shop assistant prepared coffee for me
If you like you could include all things of your daily life which were made by different people all over the world, so that you can use them, like your clothes, your furniture, your phone and so on.
Now answer the second question and in most cases, you will notice, that you did much less for other people, then they did for you. For me this is an instant stopper for my rumination. In the face of so much support as against the bits and bobs I did for others, I feel deeply grateful and connected. The last question has a similar aim. By writing down how much trouble and work I caused, I can experience on the one hand how much people and the world in general are willing to give me and on the other hand all my wishes suddenly seem greedy, because I already received so much.
Originally you would answer these questions during a retreat which last about a week. In this week you will work through these questions multiple times with a focus on a specific person and period of your life (for example: What did I received from my mother during my first five years…). Here I explained a slightly different version, which I find more appropriate for daily use.
Distraction
For me there are four categories of distraction: from the first category being the most useful and productive, but strenuous to the last category being the least exhausting and simultaneously the most passive.
The first category contains doing what needs to be done. Here you choose a strenuous and unloved task to occupy mind and body. This could be reading a difficult textbook, cooking dinner, or finishing your tax declaration. Important is, it should be something you eventually must do, maybe a task you would rather postpone. While doing this, you can give yourself the permission to worry on, but nevertheless you proof yourself, that you are not (only) your thoughts, because although you ruminate, you get things done. So, one aim of this technique is to remove importance from your thoughts and the second is to improve your wellbeing by getting things done.
The second category include pleasurable but productive distractions like doing sports, making music or art, refurbishing an old car and so on. All things we would categorize as hobbies. Things that you love to do, but which also need some involvement. The advantage of this category is the mixture of concentration which is necessary to perform the activity and pleasure while doing it. The more you can lose yourself in this activity the better. For me it might be going for a run accompanied with good music: the fresh air, the exertion and physical sensations dispel my negative thoughts very fast.
The third category contains all social activity like meeting friends, texting or calling by phone. But it does not include passive consumption of social media. Connecting with other people is a good way to stop your negative thoughts. If you meet friends who are sensitive and know of your problem, you could seek their advice, but beware, this could be the beginning of you manifesting your worries by speaking them repeatedly aloud. If you want to discuss your problems with your friends maybe tell them to stop you, if you start to think and talk in circles. I think the better approach would be to focus not on yourself during the conversation but on the other persons. Be supporting for them. Very often this helps us to get distance from our own sorrows. Or you can just make something pleasurable together and let your worries fade away.
In the fourth category falls everything which is an easier, more mindless distraction, which can be great on days when nothing else is possible because you are for example bedfast. This could include reading a novel, watching a serial, colouring drawings or playing computer games.
Although there is a hierarchy in these categories, all of them work and you must decide day by day which of them is adequate. For example, if I can barely walk because of migraines, but my worries run free in my brain, I cannot use the first three distraction categories, but maybe the last one will help. On the other hand, if my health is ok, choosing a more productive way to cut through the rumination will be more rewarding eventually. I will gain self-esteem because I was able to stop the negative thoughts and additionally I finished work tasks, cleaned up my room or improved my health by doing some sports.
Mindfulness
Rumination is seldom concerned with the present. Mostly we worry over the future or the past. We analyse things which are long gone and we have no chance to change. Or we worry unnecessary over the future which is unknown to us, indifferent how long we think about it. So, techniques which focus our thoughts on the present are a good remedy. Mostly such techniques are labelled meditation, but you also can do the tasks and activity of the first and second distraction category above while concentrating on every little step you do and by this being mindful.
But here I will present you a seated mediation technique I prefer to practice. The technique gives you an inside in the fluctuating state of your mind, how many thoughts are passing through our brain. This will set the importance of our negative thoughts in perspective, because we experience that we are thinking machines who produce one thought after another. We can observe our thoughts and learn to endure all arising feelings with equanimity, because nothing in our mind is forever, every thought and feeling is replaced by another. The second inside we gain is, that because we can observe our thoughts we cannot be our thoughts. This again helps to get distance to our own thinking which during rumination appears as all-encompassing, so that we sometimes mistake our thinking with our self. And at last observing your thought process during meditation can help you to identify triggering thoughts, feelings, or situations, which cause rumination and so you are more likely to interrupt this hurtful process. The technique seems to be simple but may need some training. You can practice the meditation in every seated position where your back, neck and head are aligned vertical, while relaxing the shoulders downward. It may be easier to practise the meditations with closed eyes in a quiet room, but it is not necessary.
Labelling thoughts
Sit upright and breath naturally. Do this for some minutes to gain distance from your daily routine. Then start to observe your thoughts. Whenever a thought arises you observe it and name it. Therefor you have three categories: thought about the past, thoughts about the future and fantasy.
Example:
‘hmmmmm, did I closed the door’ (thought about the past)
‘Should I exercise later or will it be to be exhausting because of my headache’ (thought about the future)
‘if I were really slim, it would be so much easier to have a fulfilling relationship’ (fantasy)
Your assignment is to name the arising thoughts (and feelings or physical sensations) as fast as you can. It is not important if you label them right, but fast. After naming you let the thought go and wait for the next (I had to laugh… I never have to wait for the next thought, mine are very numerous). It is important that you do not get involved with your thoughts, but just name them and let go. You can practise this meditation for some minutes and gradually increase the time (if you want… no pressure). End the meditation by letting go of the observance and gently guide your attention back to your breath and stay there for a minute. Then open your eyes stretch a little bit and close the practise.
After practising this technique for a while you may notice, there is no real difference between future, past and fantasy. All three are not real right now.
As every behaviour changing, stopping rumination needs time. We learned over a long period of time to feel sad, frightened, or even hopeless. This might not change on short notice, but needs constant work and training. Maybe you have a health condition or problems in your family or workspace which will persist, this should motivate us even more to alleviate our mood and with this probably also our health. I know what a tough fight it is, to combat our own thinking patterns: on the one hand, it is generally hard to change one’s behaviour, and on the other hand changing one’s thinking is especially tough because normally we are convinced that our thoughts are the truth and that they are important – but they are not. Our thoughts only represent a small excerpt of reality. They show us only what we are feeling and thinking right now, ten minutes later everything could be different, although our thoughts often pretend that they are all-encompassing and everlasting: maybe a good friend calls or your pain-medication helps, your loved animal wants to cuddle or a customer compliments you (just some random possibilities) – everything changes, you change.
I presented you a combination of techniques which I found very helpful for myself and which hopefully will help you to improve your quality of life. But please don’t be discouraged if something did not work for you, because people have different preferences and needs. There are many more possibilities of how to work with dysfunctional thought patterns, so never stop to try out different methods or seek out professional help. I am sure you will find a method which will help you to gain back happiness.