I'm frustrastingly useless today. Today I'm trying to catch up on some things but my head is very fuzzy.
It's been a week of feeling very weak and mostly staying in bed. No closer to 2 weeks. Is it?
What day is it?
Yesterday we went to church, I had a 15 minute conversation with a friend when I had to call it quits before the service even started. We snuck out during the second song (prime sneaking out time because people are supposed to be watching the screen and not the doors) and we drove all the way back home.
When you have Chronic Fatigue a surprisingly large amount of time is spent trying not to freak other people out and trying to seem okay. That means you hang on to your husband in a 'casual cuddle' kind of way but in reality he's keeping you standing up.
Now if I was this tired why did I even decide to leave the house?
Because I was feeling okay when we left the house.
I have no idea how long my energy reserves last at this stage.
This kind of tired is like 'I just ran a marathon' kind of tired. It's like someone stole the middle section of my body which controls my breathing, ability to move my legs and blood pressure.
It feels like when the batteries in your Walkman used to go flat and the tape slowed down. If you were using rechargable batteries and they were almost at their end you would hope to get a bit more out of them on the 15 hour road trip that formed part of your 'normal'. And as you pressed play again and again it would play normally and slow down at a faster rate.
Or when you had your old cellphone that would charge for daaaaays and you could send one sms.
That's what it feels like.
Only I would love to have a power bar meter reading thingymawatchit. My battery takes a loooong time on the charger to give me a tiny bit of power.
That's it! I just need a new battery!
Now where does one find a battery to power a human being?
When I took this photo I was in a lot of pain and felt like death. What would a family wedding be without a trip to the emergency room for a shot of painkillers?
Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.
