I had my bi-monthly infusion today. I have to have it otherwise I turn into the incredible hunk no woman can resist. It is a community service of sorts. It does make me feel pretty poor and very tired for up to the next week but I still managed to make it for a gym workout, although admittedly, there were no limits pushed.
I have had health issues my entire adult life that started when I was 16. I was an athletic kid and went from I can do anything to, I can do nothing in less thank 3 months. It took a heavy toll on my body but also on my head.
Even though I will live with the consequences of misdiagnosis, mistreatment and drug side-effects the test of my life, I will also carry many lessons too. It would be great if lessons were more transmissible but for some, you just have to experience them to know perhaps.
When I first got ill I was panicked, then angry and disappointed that before I had even had a chance, my life would be only pain, struggle and hardship. There has been a lot of those three things but there has also been a lot of joy and beauty. It is amazing how much a human can bear for even a slim chance of happiness. Some live their entire lives in hope.
As I grew I started to see my illness for what it was, a gift. Not from some creator but to myself. I was ill and likely always will be but what I do with that experience is up to me. At eighteen I contemplated life ending alternatives, at 39 I recognise that eighteen year old as a selfish fool.
Perspective is power and we reach are born with a mind that is capable of creating entire worlds. All of us without question have the ability yet few use it to shape a better version of themselves and instead imagine they are victims of the world, not creators.
If there is one recognition I wish everyone could learn is that we as humans are creative forces. This power can be used for destruction or construction but it is ours to wield as weapon, shield or tool worth which to build.
My experience had brought me to this point and it will influence me forever past it but, no one need ever be a victim of the past as we all have the ability to learn. And let go.
Pain, struggle and hardship may always be present, but suffering is in the perspective.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
(posted from phone)