Early this morning, as I listened to Ultimate radio (Youth radio station in Lesotho), Tamia's track named "smile" was aired. And brought back memories of a decade ago, It brought back painful memories of my past, and I realized I stopped smiling (a smile that expresses denoting pleasure, sociability, happiness, joy or amusement) 14 years ago
What a painful life! full of crocodile smiles? All this years I have being smiling with only my teeth( except when with Pabala) because deep inside I was hurting and decaying because of the betrayals, rejections, failures and deceptions.
Yes, I literally stopped living because of betrayals, I was betrayed and used the one I loved, and trusted most- my brother. When, he convinced me to study BA Economics at the National University of Lesotho instead of my preferred BSc Geology at Tswane University of Technology for his monetary benefits from my scholarship. I became aware of his divoius plans when scholarship fund got into my account and he wanted half of it to expand his businesses.😏😏!!! And now, I realize all this years I have been faking my smiles to him. I had became so demotivated.
This demotivation led to failure. I ended failing BA Economics in my second year of study because I was hurt and demotivated. I couldn't even read or do tutorials. I developed social phobia, stopped meeting friends and going out. I because house bound and lost interest in all things I loved- soccer.
But this song helped me as I am smiling now as write this. The smile that unlocked my heart and make live again. I am going to SMILE everyday as it brings joy to my soul!!!
Let's all smile as we recall our painful memories ☺☺☺☺