I read this hilarious thread on Twitter, written by one Ukhanki. I was finding it a little hard to believe, until some guys in the replies affirmed that it is true.
But seriously. How are you gonna treat someone badly and then act all surprised when they leave you?
Men Handle Breakups Badly.
You be like, "Your clothes still here. You gonna come get them?"
She like, "Nah, throw them away."
You just sit there ready to vomit; that was your last play. 😂😂😂😂
Nothing sadder than realizing she's finally done with your bullshit. Not even your mom's food will cheer you up. All those guys she said were just friends circle your girl like those zombies from The Walking Dead when they find out she's single again.
You be like, "Are you really done with me? I'm a changed man. I even started recycling. I know I cheated 38 times but give me another shot. Don't give up on us."
And she be like, "Nah."
Saddest is when she blocked your number so you text her from you mom's phone asking questions.
Are you really done with my son?"
You been watching her timeline for 12 hours straight no activity then she posts "😋.
Next thing you know you on your 5th SIM card of the week because she blocked the other 4 numbers texting her, "just checking if you're okay."
Heartbreak is a madness, man. My boy started going on long walks in the dark no direction nor destination, he just needed to walk all the time.
You flirt with other girls on the TL to get her jealous then text her, she's like, "Go talk to your new girl."
Now you’re forced to kill the new girl just to show your ex she matters more.
“Are you going to come to my place to collect your things /should I come to yours? I really don’t mind.”
She doesnt reply for hours and you just wanna double text her like, “hey, you there?”
You want her back so bad, you wanna tell her she left the back of her earring at your place.
She’ll unfollow you on instagram but you don’t want to return the favour even though she’s on private.
All of a sudden, couples make you sick but deep down, that’s what you want.
When she drops a fire snap captioned “date night🙊💕”.. You’re not even tired but you just want to sleep instantly.
The passenger seat snap is the worst like who’s the driver boo?
"Maybe that's her brothers arm on snapchat. When did he get a sleeve tattoo?"
Those self comforting lies.
One minute you're texting your ex to see if she's ok.... now suddenly you can't see her WhatsApp picture.
Come to the timeline to ask, "Are the whatsapp servers down?"
You be asking stupid shit like, "How's your mother? She still got that pain in her back or is she okay now?"
You start to like the awkward silences when you call her just to hear her breathe.
Her: “Do you have anything else to say?”
You: “Hold on, I’m just thinking of something.”
Then the convo somehow always lead to a fight.
You: "So, have you slept with him yet .Did you give him head?"
You: "Where you cheating on me with him?"
Her: "Why you asking this?"
You: "I just wanna know."
Her: "Why, though?"
You: "No reason. Just tell me, man."
Her: "Yes I..."
Him: hangs up
"My little brother misses you and he wants to know when you're coming round again?"
"My mum wants to know where her favourite daughter in law is nowadays? She misses you haha". 😂😂😂😂😂
You be having a time of your life but then your ex will post "😀" or "🙈💕😻" at 3:25am and everything starts moving in slow motion.
First you see her friends dancing on IG stories getting ready, then she drops a fire picture on IG, then drunk semi sexual post. Then "😀"
Now you find yourself texting "My pillows still smell of you lol.”
“I found your headscarf by the way. You want me me to drop it? Or should I post it?” 😂😂😂😂
Your friends start roasting you about her and you play it cool like "MISUNU, WHAT YA’LL TALKING ABOUT, I WASNT EVEN INTO HER LIKE THAT LOOOOL."
These times you were already thinking about your kids names.
You call her up with her favourite track on the background hoping it'll trigger the good memories of you two...and she goes, “What's that noise?” 😭😭😭😭😭😭
You know when you had a special name for her like, "How's my pixie. .."
Her: "Huh! Who's that? Don't you know my name anymore?"
You sweating now. You send her that little selfie of her being cute with the flower filter & she goes "DELETE THAT NOW WTF U DOING DELETE IT NOW" 😭😭😭
You ask her about her favorite restaurant you used to take her to.
She goes, "Nah, that's a kid's place. Don't even go there no more. Why, wassup?"
You haven't been to church in years but you know she believes in God so you're like, "I went to church last week you know."
Her: "OK...and?"
Being ignored is still the worst feeling in the world though. You see her online and 3 days later she still hasn't replied. You start making excuses for her and why she hasn't replied. Maybe she lost her phone or she's died for a bit.
When she finally replies to you after 13 weeks with a one word answer and your soul restores to factory settings. You gotta block your ex off all social networks.
When she blocks you, so you have to type her name into Google chrome just to see how her life is going.
You just want a car to hit you so she can feel sorry for you and take you back.
Who can a man really talk too when his heart is broken? No damn body. Now your boys try to cheer you up and take you to the club and hook up up with the baddest girls. Guess what , you’ll probably drive back to your ex's house alone and sleep in the car outside her house.