My life is a bit like a blank hard disk with Grub2 installed. I can turn it on, but all I get is an incomprehensible prompt that provides functions that do not address the primary issue that I am still fully 2 years stuck on or barely off the street. I need an install disk! But they are expensive little buggers.
In fact, I just need to borrow one, I'm sure that I can send it back to the lender quickly with the wide array of options available to me. I have multiple people who would engage my systems administration skills in order to put up a witness and a cluster of various miners for them to run. That alone would probably cover half my rent.
Where do I look? I feel like I have squandered the opportunities I was given. I held out at that job at the cloud support centre as well as I could, until finally, the managers error, which he was unwilling to bear, which is unjust since it was not my error, finally set me off.
I can only take so much of being left floundering for want of just a few simple answers to questions I needed to actually do my job.
It's a tremendous blow to my pride to be found deficient before I have even been properly trained, and the long hours of nothing, and the negative reactions to my self-directed exploration, and the deaf ears to my cries for help as one job in particular nobody gave even 5 minutes to look at the issue and at least take the task off me so I was not responsible for an inadequate rate of resolution for the client.
I have many skills, writing, logic, physics, art, music, philosophy. But all of these things are speculative without an overarching plan, and the resources to implement it.
I spent a year in prison, after 6 months of making the worst possible decisions.
Then nearly 15 months trapped living on the street in Amsterdam, constantly watching my back and dealing with cold wet weather, and perhaps I only bore it so long because I could get stoned, sit with my crappy little phone, or a laptop, and do something stimulating and somewhat productive. Then after attempting to try and break out of the cycle by seeking work in southern italy for the citrus and brassica season, my traveling companion made off with my passports and bank cards.
I escaped into a dream, I lived without fear, for most of 7 months, traveling east across europe and eventually returning to Sofia, knowing that if I could just get the kickstart of a place to stay and a job, and costs for my first month.
And then... Back to highschool situation. Punished for my curiosity, seriousness and honesty. Eventually, expected to suffer sleep deprivation because of an incompetent manager.
Here I am, I am scraping along here, but the constant sense of urgency to do something to leap the hurdles in my way, and absolutely nobody both willing and able to help me.
And I need help. Unless God throws a sack of money in my lap. I don't think that's how his solution will look, but I am straining to see it. Coding, I could do that, if I had a clean, basically equipped dwelling. I don't want to try again at ending up in another workplace where I don't fit and my talents are not productive for the company.