It is statements like this one:

Tigrilla, what I like or want is irrelevant. I'll do whatever I can to support people in learning, but only if they're openly inquiring.

Right after statements like this:

Hmmm. Isn't this self-defeating? I asked you to examine your intentions and your actions.
Perhaps you're projecting this notion of resistance? Aren't you resisting my stated purposes?

that lead me to the state I feel right now.

Obviously, I don't know what "openly inquiring" means to you. Asking for help is met with responses like "self-defeating", "you don't want to deal with it", and "that (clearly!) wasn't as important as what you've been doing".

The more I ask for help and direction, the more I hear that I am doing it wrong.