I've been slipping into Hikikomori for a while, but over the past 8 months it's become full blown. My set up is like the above image rather than some of the extreme examples of Hikikomori, but without the anime/toys/videos games.
What is Hikikomori?
Hikikomori (ひきこもり or 引き籠もり Hikikomori?, literally "pulling inward, being confined", i.e., "acute social withdrawal") is a Japanese term to refer to the phenomenon of reclusive adolescents or adults who withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement. The term hikikomori refers to both the sociological phenomenon in general and the people belonging to this societal group. Hikikomori have been described as recluses, loners, or "modern-day hermits."
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Hikikomori is so bad for Japan that it's been declared a health crisis. It's been declining the ethnic Japanese population, and has been destroying the economy. Here's a short report on it;
For me, I believe my Hikikomori started early halfway through my now formal marriage, but as someone who's suffered with forms of depression I had some of the symptoms early on, however I battled that by becoming the lead singer/guitarist of a band and broke that situation. All I wanted to focus on was my wife/family and building my life (house/kids, etc...). Being that I bolted down for this I changed my lifestyle drastically... I didn't want to go out and socialize much anymore.
Years before I was completely opposite to where I am now. I used to be very social. Always going out and was actually quite popular of a guy since I was in bands, toured, on record labels, had my own record label, played shows, and etc. I spent many years living like this, but when I settled down to work hard and be married I didn't want any of that anymore.
My ex-wife was/is very much someone who likes being social, and so it became a drag to have to go out to please her, but it at least got me out of the house when I look back. Now that I've been without her I've not been very social since.
Years later we divorced, I quit my job, and started freelancing - gaining a couple REALLY good clients. I had no need to fish for clients - I had all I needed so I never put myself out there.
Living alone, working at home seemed nice at first, but I ended up hating the loneliness as I was freshly separated, and saw everything going away. I never left the apartment. I had lost all my acquaintances/"friends" due to my divorce, so I had no one. In this time (which was like 4 years ago) I felt the isolation might be good for me. In some ways I think it has, but I'm ready to stop this, but I don't know how...
I lost my client and for the past 8 months I've been slipping into it more and more and more. I lost my big client and now no one will hire me because of the typical "you're over qualified" BS.
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I am an American and I don't doubt I'm alone here with this. I do leave the house too going to the woods to walk around, going to the store from time to time. Turning in job applications, and etc... but that's the extent to it.
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I'm not exactly like the Hikikomori in Japan who seem to be happy with video games, anime, movies and such. I tend to spend my time trying to work on my creative outlets like my websites I run, artwork, music, trying to get work and etc, but I have a similar lifestyle with computers wrapped around me, and my bed right beside it all. I tend to stay up all night and dislike the day. I hardly ever leave this room. My father and brother are concerned.
I don't hate people, and I would love to be social again, but it's hard for me to do that. I don't want to go out to bars - I don't like going to shows - the average people running around these days are so freaking brainwashed I have no idea how to start a "normal" conversation. With the way the country is being divided politically is also not helping at all.
I'm financially devastated as of this blog post. I'm ruined on so many levels that the light at the end of the tunnel keeps getting further and further away. Still, I have hope. Trying to get out of this rut. It's been going on in ways for years, but I done with this and want it over... still don't know how to.
This is a pretty cool short film on the subject;
Hikikomori by Sergio Alvarez from Sergio Álvarez on Vimeo.
Being that my social history suggest I can be social again, I'm trying to find that path, but this has been no fun at all. I truly feel for those in Japan who suffer with the most extreme Hikikomori, and know what they're going through. I feel for you - you know in your heart you want to break out.
As someone on the edge of this sad life I think I'm on a better track since I've been focusing my hermit life in the ways old hermit alchemists did long ago...
Mattheus van Hellemont The Alchemist Source
Some of this Hikikomori has brought me into places I might of not before. I'm actually thinking of becoming an inventor - not sure what, but I want to get into it. Get into science more and splice it with my Cosmic Consciousness.
I think that if I keep putting myself out there too - through my various endeavors my social life will change if I am able to keep them going / growing - Steemit is part of this journey for me.
If I can just sell some art on Peerhub, get some design clients, earn more on Steemit, and even have the sheer luck of even being able to get a single burger flipping job I'd be happy and thriving (though I would much rather be the digital media designer that I am).
I'm making this blog to help others suffering with this condition, and I know you're out there reading this. You don't have to say anything, just know we're out here. I do believe there is a way out for all of us, too.
I do see a future for me where I get the second chance to start a family, have a successful career, and make true friends for which I can socialize again with. Right now it's just a matter of finding that needle in the haystack - and having the desire, and wanting that desire bad enough. I want it so bad. :)
Thank you for reading about my condition and your compassion.
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