After a stressful day at work, filled with anxiety and high expectations of getting back home and switching into some more comfortable pajamas that made it quite easy to watch a movie on your laptop with some popcorn, not only was I struck in a city-type of traffic that after its desolvation or escape by road passengers, it was pretty not easy to detect its cause or what started it in the first place.
Hardly we will accept that this was the fate of a typical working-class in a typical city where its population was more than its landmass since we have seen it all in movies that describe this kind of setup. Well, I was a member of this setup, or you could call me its lead character in the role play.
My day didn't just start badly but it also ended on a sad note after receiving a sad message any child in love with his MAMI would not want to receive. I agree I was quite stressed out due to all the hustle and bustle from hustling for your daily bread or as what society of today would describe it a better future, I also became upset at how the turnout of events added up to depress and spoil my day.
Started with waking up with a not-feeling kind of vibe about going in to work today, all because of the hungover I could still be experiencing from the voluminous consumption of alcohol last week or maybe the food poisoning I could be experiencing from eating too many takeouts,
Well who knows?
But the main deal was these were signs of a bad day.
And I still ignored them or didn't pay close attention. Right now, I feel I should have taken some blunt-oriented steps toward safeguarding my mood and perception of the day. Yeah, I should have loaded up to avoid the complication of emotions I ended up receiving.
Blinded by ignorance and led to inconsideration, there I was, sleeping, and thinking everything would be fine after a good nap since I would be opening up my eye feeling refreshed and ready for new possibilities, and then I received a call from mama, saying:
Grandma was rushed to the hospital.
Honestly, I froze for a second, not knowing what to say, should I become scared or should I still have hope that everything will be fine?
For a moment it felt like both emotions collided and were running through my veins nonstop, making it even harder for me to make a choice.
All of a sudden I began to say to mama, all will be fine, worry less, and chill cause I'm sure nothing will happen, when I wasn't so sure myself.
Thereafter I had to summon the courage to end the call as nothing could happen, all for mama to tell me,
don't let it worry you.
Damn, sorry mama, it already did!
All I could think of was please let nothing happen to Grandma, cause I couldn't bear the weight of another loss this year again. It would be too much for my soul to bear.
Sadly it's true,
Tough men are soft inside underneath the toughness.
I couldn't think straight and after being distracted by a friend to go get our daily needs, while watching Instagram reels, it still wasn't enough to put me out of my miseries.
So I resorted to blowing trees and getting high while listening to Juice Wrld, XXX Tenacion, Eminem, Post Malone, and NF all mixed into a playlist, and oh my it was therapeutic but in the end, I knew the therapy wasn't over until I write about how I'm feeling.
I've always known writing about your feelings could be quite helpful but now I can see it's even more true.