𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈’𝐌 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑

Hey, hivers. It’s good to be back once again. You know I’ve missing on posting some of my blogs. But I can’t sometimes have a time due to poor internet connection, have some personal problems, including to my family and to my surroundings. I don’t know why I’m having have a hard time on overthinking some negativities. I know this is a kinda wierd but it really connect to my emotions and feelings that connects to my mind and heart which leads me to cry all over the time, either without having some or not. If you can’t understand what I’m telling about, then kindly allow me to tell all of my problems that I kept form my heart for a long time. Anyways, don’t mind the poor connection, since I can really find a way to fix it, even though I’m encountering to that kind of problems that makes me annoyed and irritated.

First and foremost, why I’ve been encounter this kind of personal problems? Actually, I’m also asking this kind of questions to myself. But there are times that it makes me confuse about asking it many times, until I was suddenly faced this kind of problems which leads me to my first greatest mental breakdown. To state with this, this was all about my Mom and my stepdad. Everytime when she comes home, she became unhappy or not feeling well due to his tiredness from work, which my stepdad makes me annoyed because my Mom just always passed him when he was going to hug her. Actually, this was always happened over three days, since I’ve also noticed it. Then my stepdad suddenly speak sometimes which my Mom didn’t like it that leads to have a fight between them. Not only it was happened between them but also to my younger sister. My stepdad and sister we’re also having a fight due to some misundertanding when it comes to respect. Every night when there’s a fight in our home, my sister sometimes cried because she didn’t respect us, according to my stepdad, which was my Mom sometimes always cried. Then to my Mom, every night she and my stepdad we’re suddenly having a quarrel that I don’t the reasons. To be honest I don’t understand what’s going on in this house lately. Sometimes I can’t notice or find out what would be the main reason. All I could about is suddenly weak when I felt my heart aches in pain, incuding of crying every night with or without any reasons why. Maybe I’ve considered it as one of my greatest mental breakdown that could be added always with stress, sorrow, depression and anxiety.

The last one is even still the same as the first one. But when it comes to the crucial sitaution of survival, this one is considered as one of the harderst problem to encounter. This thing is was just all about my friends that I’m encountering for and considering as one of my second family. We used to have a bonding with each other, went to the malls or quantums (that I’m calling a playing station) after school to relax ourselves and chill and even help with each other if there are many problems to be encounter and endured. Actually, I always used to tell my problems to them when I’m in a mental breakdown situation, but now?..... I don’t know. Even meeting them at personal, when they asking me about my situation, all I can say about them is either one of this two words: “I’m fine.“ and **“Yes, I’m okay.“, even to my BESTFRIEND who asking me everytime. Even though I have many problems that I’m thinking or if they suddenly noticed about my absent-minded, I also always said those words to them. Little did they know,deep inside, I’m not really fine and also I’m not okay. To be honest, I really want to share my problems to them to ease my mind and make myself calm and fine but... I can’t, I really can’t. WHY?! It’s not because I’m selfish, it’s not because I’m hiding something or my problems to them, but that’s because I gradually noticed and realized that I’m out of place, I can feel that they don’t need my presence anyways and lastly, I can so feel that I’m not important to them due to their behavoirs that was suddenly changed including to the toxicity that I felt around them. I tried my best to laugh and smile when I’m around with them, but I can feel my fake smile and laugh, which was the thing that they didn’t noticed.

That’s why I ended up crying either everytime and every night in my room, asking myself why I have to encounter these things? Why can’t I do my best to be happy in front of them even though I have many problems to encounter? But I know to myself that I can’t neither blame GOD about these because I know and I believe to myself that there we’re many reasons why He let me encounter these kind of my problems, nor to all of them, which was the thing I finally realize and understand.

So now, everytime that I’m still encountering these things, only talking and telling to GOD about these including to my critical situations are my only ways and solutions that can make my mind ease and calm and can also take away the pain that I’m enduring for. Even though there are times that I’m become annoyed and stress because of these problems, I always didn’t forget to talk and tell to GOD everytime or every night before I sleep, even when I’m attending mass to church every Sunday. With these kind of problems that happens to me everytime, I will do the the things that I love in order to make myself happy and also to make myself become the best version of myself, a strong and independent one. I will do everthing to surpass all of these because I know that GOD let all of these problems happen as one of my obstacles and challenges and GOD lso knows that deserve to be loved and valued more than I expected.

PS: All of the photos was mine, it's credited to Pexels, as you've noticed.