Image from pixabay and edited on canva
Life is a long journey, and if we can represent our life path as a line on a straight line, we can say that there are three main milestones: the past, the present and the future. As far as the past is concerned, it's behind us. A constructive way of looking at it, painful and difficult though it may be, would be to see it as a learning ground. Rehashing the past won't change the present moment, and it doesn't offer us any prospects for the future. Even if we can't escape the fact of rumination, the question is how to reduce the time we spend on it.
Certainly, our past has an influence on us, and our presence today is partly due to what happened before. Our history cannot be dismissed out of hand, for it is part of us and resides in our genes. The question is, however, how important is this place in our lives? The past should not prevent us from living; its place should be restricted to a small compartment in our daily mental space. Our energy and attention should be focused on the present moment and the road ahead, whatever our age.
Imagine you're at the wheel of your car, and the past is what you see in the rear-view mirror, behind you and small in size. It must be taken into consideration to steer better, but the road ahead, what you see through your windshield, must remain the focus of your attention. What you see in the rear-view mirror allows you to adjust your direction if necessary, but the road ahead is what must be at the center of your attention, representing all the possibilities open to you.
Today, I'd like to propose a more constructive approach to considering this path of possibilities. I'd like to address the notion of new beginnings, given that we're at the start of the new year 2024, a propitious time to consider a new start in life.
I don't know about you, but personally, I didn't attach any importance to dates and celebrations such as birthdays, New Year's, etc., so I didn't think it was a big deal. Have I marked my birthday once or twice in my life? Yes, but it was more a moment of sharing with friends, rather than a really important moment for me. I'm realizing that I was wrong, because there's a very interesting phenomenon to explore, on which there's been a lot of research, called the "New start effect"!
What is the new start effect? Basically, it's the idea that a person can dissociate past events, present events, from future events. In other words, we can create a temporal dissociation between past, present and future. It's a dissociation that can create a kind of rupture, if you like, between our behaviours, our habits from the past, and our habits, our current performances. To have this effect, we need a temporal landmark, a symbolic date like January 1st, which will mark a new year, a new stage. It can be a birthday, the start of a new school year, the birth of a child, any symbolic date you choose at any time of the year. It can also be a Monday, the first day of the week, the first day of the month, Chinese New Year, Berber New Year, the spring equinox, a move, whatever. It's a moment that provides a temporal landmark, a reference point in time. Research tells us that these markers act on our mind, our way of seeing things, like a kind of mental reset button, and help us get back on track, to focus on what we define as important to us.
This effect is much more likely to bear fruit when this time marker is preceded by failure, disappointment, unsatisfactory results, a feeling of dissatisfaction or a desire for change. Conversely, it can be counter-productive when applied to areas or situations that are already working very well, when you're already satisfied with what you're doing in certain areas. In such cases, it's better to think of time markers as milestones that build on the continuity of a previous period.
The advantage of this notion, of the new start effect, is that it offers us the possibility of finding within ourselves the strength to bounce back, to improve ourselves and our living conditions. This won't solve our problems, of course, because problems can't be solved simply by deciding to start a new chapter in our lives. But why is it interesting? Because it allows us to be in a different mental state, to change our state of mind, to have a different frame of mind that allows us to be more willing to find solutions to our problems.
In other words, it's like changing radio frequencies by changing channels. And just because research has focused on it doesn't mean it's a new phenomenon. This "new beginning" effect can be found in many cultures and religions, and when you look at human history in general, you'll find plenty of examples. This is the case, for example, with certain religious ceremonies of symbolic purification. There's also the symbol of the phoenix rising from the ashes. This notion is not really new, since today, scholarly studies have focused on it and tell us that the new beginning effect has always existed. What we need to remember here is that this phenomenon has always existed, and we can learn from it. Temporal landmarks can represent special occasions for the passage of time, creating new opportunities to reinitiate a new cycle. The new beginning effect allows us to create a discontinuity in the perception of time, giving us the chance to break with the past, with bad habits, self-destructive behaviors, aspects of ourselves we wish to improve. It fosters a much more global vision, with a much more resilient orientation, objective, will and state of mind.
A time marker doesn't work like a miracle, it's not magic. It's simply a means we can rely on to create new opportunities, because we know it works on us. We know that our mind is very receptive to this effect. But for it to work, we have to take action. It's true that there's an exaltation of new possibilities, but there's also the fear of not landing on our feet, the fear of not making it.
So the fresh start effect should also be accompanied by the management of fears and anxiety. Regrets can also discourage us, and we're all bound to have regrets - it's part of being human. Regret can either sink us, or act as a springboard to bounce us forward. A regret can be an opportunity to make radical decisions for a positive change, a change we've wanted for a long time.
A productive or constructive way of thinking about or dealing with regrets is to create opportunities for making the right decisions, which may be difficult, but will bring about positive change. One question to ask is: what do we regret more? Do we regret more what we've done, for example, our decisions, or do we regret more the decisions and choices we didn't make?
In the findings of surveys carried out on this subject, there is more agreement on the idea that we are more likely to regret what we haven't done, especially as we get older. The older we get, the more we regret the opportunities we didn't seize and the decisions we didn't make. In other words, humans regret inaction more than action.
So, the first thing to do is to take some notes, to write down point by point what you regret today. It's important to look at these regrets with a certain distance, because the aim is not to flagellate yourself, but really to see things with a certain philosophy and wisdom. A first question to ask yourself is: are your regrets more the result of your actions or your inaction? Depending on the answer to this question, what decisions do you need to make today? What decisions have you been putting off for a long time?
This introspection is a simple invitation to consider our regrets in a productive way, to give meaning to our experience, to our journey, to enhance our achievements, to inform our decisions, our choices, our future actions, and above all to ensure that we avoid making the same mistakes again, since we know them now.
You can use January as the start of a new year to create a new beginnings effect, but of course it can be any time of the year. On that note, I wish you a very happy New Year.
THANK YOU FOR READING AND SEE YOU SOON !
@Genesung