Yesterday my sweetheart and I took a drive to Fresno to pick up some supplies our company. This is unusual for us to go so far and frankly we don’t leave our mountain town very often. We are both solitary types and living up here for the last 2 years has really contributed to my isolation both positive and negative. I'm not even working right now because I am recouperating form hand and elbow surgery so it's a little worse. Heck, I may even go several days without leaving the house at all. We bought our stuff, had a bite to eat and headed back for the hills.
We were most of the way home when we realized GPS was bringing us in a back way and we would have to travel down a long winding mountain road to get home. This is a road that the shear mention of it to any of the locals prompts a response of shear hatred and in fact most will not go the town that is at the top because they hate the road so much.
So my sweetheart, bless his little heart, has the attention span on a 5 year old and needs his nappi-poos in order to get through the day. Just as we reached the road from hell he lets me know that he is to tired and I will have to drive the rest of the way. Prefect timing! So we switch places and off he drifts into his sleep (very noisy sleeper too).
As I start down the road I start to notice all the green around me. The mountains produce a multitude of layers and textures that are just remarkable. I live in California so of course the poppies are everywhere along with other flowers (mostly what is considered weeds but I think weeds are beautiful). At times where there is a mountain on my right side I can see purples and yellows growing right out of the side of it. I love to take photos and especially of flowers. I start to feel resentful that he is sleeping and now I can’t take any pictures. As I continue there is a huge canyon that has a river running through it. It’s a nice day and the sun is shining making the view that much more stunning. I never pull over for pictures but today god dammit I will cause he’s not robbing me of this. I find a place and pull over. I couldn’t get a good one cause the sun was to bright but I gave it a try. I get back in and continue around the curvy roads and looking at the beauty around me.
By this time there is no service, so the music had stopped. I had an epiphany as I was thinking about Mr. Poopy Pants snoring away in the passenger seat. I realized that I was missing the serenity that comes from being in nature because I was choosing to be negative. Negativity is something I have been working on changing for a while now. I think it’s actually a habit. My default go to emotion and something I have done my whole life.
I am the person who always thinks of all the bad scenarios that could go wrong where my sweetheart never thinks of anything. “When it’s your time, it’s your time” is his favorite line. To which I reply “well I’m not going to hurry it along”. We frustrate each other for this difference of perspective at times. He thinks I’m a big baby scaredy cat and I think he’s just aloof and reckless. Right at that moment in the car I understood what he means when he makes that statement. What it means is that we need to enjoy the moment because the next isn’t promised. It means that if I’m so caught up in what could, should or would happen I might miss the beauty of now. Maybe I needed to experience the moment rather then trying to memorialize it with photos. I became so full of gratitude in that moment that all my junk about the drive was immediately removed. I became overwhelmed by a rush of happiness, and I couldn’t help but smile.
I’m not a religious person but I believe in the Universe. I know that Universe takes care of me and provides the lessons when I need them most. I have to be open and willing to see them and negativity blocks me from that. I felt so good that when Sleepy woke up just before we got home and said “Wow, we made it home quick!” I just smiled and said “yes we did sweetheart.”