Personal Experiences With Trust Becoming Distrust
This might end up becoming a funny read but I don't mind, it's an experience I could tell anytime and even in my dream to show how much I wish to go back to those days and make things right or a little less than how it all played out for me... The feeling of trust can be beautiful, so beautiful that you'd begin expect so much without knowing it and when those expectations are not met, distrust is almost inevitable.
I can still remember a childhood friend of mine warning me never to trust anyone or anything, I would get hurt when I do... I bet she was talking to me from experience but then, some advice aren't taken until it is experienced.
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I didn't listen and I trusted every little details of my life, in every phase of my life, I got something or someone new to trust on... I bet I could have gotten an award for being a trustful person if there was one. Well, I didn't get any award of such, instead I got my expectations crushed so hard that I began to wonder why trust should exist at all in the first place.
Just on a lighter note experience
I remember a special pen dad got for me for my upcoming exam. I tried using the pen for a few trials on other write ups in my books and it turned out that I didn't find it hard to trust that the pen would be really perfect for my exams. I even began to believe a jinx on it, I would only pass my exams if I use the pen π well, I'm sure you wouldn't need to be told what happened when I took only that pen to the exam hall. I tend to have up to five pens in my bag now, that was the result of the distrust.
I trusted my mum... Is there a thing called super trust?
I can say my life back in 2004 wasn't the most happiest but I was happy and trusted my situation to be way better than it was as the days and months progresses because I had my dad and mum always having my back and doing their best to take care of my siblings and I. I had this very strong trust (it has to be super trust) in them not just because they were my parents but also because they made me trust them so much π₯Ί
So yeah, I trusted hard and expected so much
I'm not sure if it was me expecting so much as what I expected and believed would happen was having them both watch me grow from the tiny girl I was to an adult while guiding and making my little dreams come true as their daughter. I just wanted my family to be happy and grow together as we were but then, they made me feel like it was too much to expect from them.
Mum left, dad stayed for his kids but my trust got trampled on
Honestly, I don't think I've recovered from that situation considering the fact that it changed me from being the trustful person to one who you would do so much to prove yourself worthy of my trust. I don't trust anymore actually, I just try to play the game of expecting less and being happy on my own terms to avoid getting hurt like I did in the past. A family member crushed my trust, I hate to think that it could be worse with another.
But then, I'll work on it to trust but not expect so much... It's safer that way but how easy can it be?
