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Have you ever apologized for something that wasn’t your fault? Have you ever said sorry when you didn’t need to? Have you ever felt? Like you were saying sorry too much?
If yes to any of these questions, you’re not alone. I used to be addicted to the phrase “I am sorry”. I would apologize for everything and anything, even when it made no sense. I would say sorry when someone bumped into me. When I asked a question. When I expressed an opinion. When I declined an invitation. When I made a mistake. When I didn’t make a mistake…The list goes on.
Frequently apologizing can have adverse effects on your self esteem, relationships and communication. It can induce feelings of insecurity, guilt and powerlessness in you and cause others to disrespect you, exploit you or disregard your needs. It can make your messages unclear, vague or passive aggressive.
I’m going to share with you how I became addicted to the phrase “I am sorry”. How I recognized the challenge and how I met it. Hopefully, by reading my story. You’ll be able to recognize and break your own over apologizing habit and improve your communication and relationships.
How I Developed the Habit of Over Apologizing
There are many possible reasons why people apologize too much. For me, I over apologized because of insecurity, fear of conflict and social norms.
In my culture, apologizing was a way of showing politeness and humility. So I did it a lot. Saying sorry was a way of showing respect and avoiding offense. It was also a way of avoiding confrontation and criticism. If I apologized first, maybe people would be more forgiving and less angry with me.
This led me to form a habit of over apologizing in every situation. Here are some examples of how I used to apologize unnecessarily or excessively.
“I’m sorry for bothering you, but can you please help me with this project?”
“I’m sorry for being late. The traffic was terrible.”
“I’m sorry for disagreeing with you. You have a valid point.”
“I’m sorry for not being able to attend your party. I have a prior commitment.”
“I’m sorry for spilling my coffee. I’m such a klutz.”
“I’m sorry for making you wait. I appreciate your patience.”
These apologies may seem harmless or even polite. But they actually undermined my confidence and credibility. By apologizing so much, I was implying that I was always wrong. Always at fault. Always in need of forgiveness. I was giving away my power and authority to others. I was making myself look weak and incompetent.
How I Realized It Was a Problem
I didn’t realize how much I was apologizing until I received some feedback from others. Some of my friends, family members and colleagues pointed out that I was saying sorry too often and for no reason. They told me that it was annoying, unnecessary and even insulting. They said that it made them feel like I didn’t trust them or value myself.
I also started to notice how over apologizing affected my communication and relationships. I realized that by saying sorry all the time. I was creating confusion, resentment and misunderstanding. Here are some examples of how over apologizing can damage your communication and relationships.
“I’m sorry for bothering you, but can you please help me with this project?” This apology implies that you are not worthy of their help or that you are imposing on them. It can make them feel like you don’t respect their time or expertise.
“I’m sorry for being late. The traffic was terrible.” This apology implies that you are not responsible for your actions or that you are making excuses. It can make them feel like you don’t respect their schedule or expectations.
“I’m sorry for disagreeing with you. You have a valid point.” This apology implies that you are not confident in your opinion or that you are afraid of their reaction. It can make them feel like you don’t respect their perspective or intelligence.
These realizations motivated me to change my behavior. I decided to stop apologizing so much and start communicating more effectively. I wanted to express myself clearly, confidently and respectfully. I wanted to improve my self esteem and happiness.
How I Overcame It
Overcoming my over apologizing habit was not easy. It took time, practice and awareness. But it was worth it. Here are some of the strategies that helped me reduce my over apologizing and improve my communication and relationships.
Replacing sorry with thank you. Instead of apologizing for something that wasn’t my fault or didn’t need an apology. I learned to say thank you instead. For example:
“Thank you for helping me with this project.” This shows appreciation and gratitude.
“Thank you for waiting for me.” This shows respect and acknowledgment.
“Thank you for sharing your opinion.” This shows interest and curiosity.
Being more assertive. Instead of apologizing for something that I had a right to do or say. I became more assertive and defended myself.
For example:
“I have a question.” This shows curiosity and engagement.
“I have a different opinion.” This shows confidence and diversity.
“I have a prior commitment.” This shows honesty and integrity.
Practicing gratitude. Instead of apologizing for something that I was happy or proud of. I learned to practice gratitude and celebrate my achievements. For example:
“I’m happy with the results of this project.” This shows satisfaction and pride.
“I’m proud of myself for overcoming this challenge.” This shows resilience and growth.
“I’m grateful for this opportunity.” This shows humility and appreciation.
These strategies helped me improve my communication and relationships in many ways. Here are some examples of how these strategies benefited me and others.
Expressing appreciation. By saying thank you instead of sorry. I was able to express appreciation and gratitude to others. This made them feel valued and respected. It also made me feel more positive and optimistic.
Setting boundaries. By being more assertive instead of apologizing, I was able to set boundaries and protect my needs. This made others respect me more and understand me better. It also boosted my confidence and empowerment.
Resolving conflicts. By practicing gratitude instead of apologizing. I was able to resolve conflicts more effectively and constructively. This made others feel more comfortable and cooperative with me.
Final Thoughts
How I became addicted to the phrase “I am sorry”. How I recognized the challenge and how I met it. I hope that by reading my story. You learned something valuable and useful for your own communication and relationships.
If you struggle with over apologizing. I encourage you to try some of the strategies that helped me replacing sorry with thank you, being more assertive and practicing gratitude. You’ll be amazed by how much these simple changes can improve your self esteem and happiness.