Intro
There are fewer more significant disappointments for a young man than his partner having a miscarriage. Though the partner will go through most of the trauma, the husbands will also have their fair share of sadness.
Miscarriage
Miscarriage occurs when the loss of pregnancy (embryo) happens. This usually occurs with the fourth and sixth weeks of taking in. And in some unusual cases, around 1% of pregnancies can be miscarried after the 13th week.
There are several reasons why Miscarriage happens 50% are because of irregularities in the fetus or the placenta, including chromosomal problems. Sometimes the egg is not in the right place, which leads to early Miscarriage. Most times, mothers who suffer from Miscarriage can’t do anything about it.
It is not suitable for a partner to go through a miscarriage. Apart from the physical issue, the emotional and mental aspect is not always easy to deal with.
The Dads whose partners go through Miscarriage discover they won’t have a child to call theirs, run around with or watch cartoons together. Typically, the fathers’ expectations of having children are almost always the same as their mums.
When a challenge occurs in marriage, the man is expected to take steps to fix things. But in the case of Miscarriage, the man can’t quickly fix this. Nothing can take care of the loss of a loved one. Because of this, the father is incapable of fixing this and doesn’t understand how to manage his partner's emotions. Now, how do you cope with Miscarriage as a man?
5 coping tips for Miscarriage as a man
Coping during a miscarriage is not easy for anyone. And as a man, you need to be extra careful so that you won’t aggravate the pain of your significant other. Most times, you won’t be on the same wavelength during this period, and that’s fine. You need to understand how to relate with one another emotionally.
Silence is better than some words.
It is essential to be mindful of the words you say to a grieving mother. For example, instead of saying, “you can still have children,” tell them how much you love them, and they can lean on you for support during this period. For grieving mothers, this baby was special, and no other baby will be the same. So, they may see it as insensitive when you say that. To a man, those words may remind them that there is still hope and they can always give birth to other kids, but it is not the same for mums.
Write more. Talk less.
As men, we hardly open up to our fellow men about our emotions. We always prepare to think it off, even if it is a miscarriage. However, some men have experienced succor and healing through some form of journaling. Instead of speaking, you can write your emotions or feelings into words. Also, you can seek help in a community, counseling, or therapy, and you can do it with your partner to make things easy.
Be there for your partner.
Females are more emotional than us, the male folks. When a miscarriage happens, the mums tend to feel it more deeply, understandably. This is the time she needs your support to navigate the whole grieving. Listen to her concerns, assure her, love her, pet her and be there in every way till that phase is over.
Get engaged.
When we are going through a wrong time, we just need something to be engaged in to serve as a distraction. Being engaged with something will surely take your mind away from the grief and help you get your head straight. However, it is essential not to get too busy and not be there for your spouse, who is equally going through emotional imbalance.
Take things slowly
Breathe. And take things as they come. The truth is that grief doesn’t just come and go immediately; it takes some time. For example, you may think you and your partner are over the worst period, and then something will trigger thoughts that will bring back all the emotions you think you have overcome. It is normal to slide back into meltdown; just be there for one another to overcome again.
A final note from me
Miscarriage brings enormous grief and significant sadness to couples' lives. However, we are all we have, and we should go through everything together. Be there for one another, reassure your significant other of your love and support for them, and don’t forget that time heals all pains.
Importantly, if you find it challenging to cope in any way, please seek help from professional therapists who can help you find succor, clarity, and closure while you grieve the loss of your loved one.