I felt sad for her.
It’s really the first time I saw that she cried so much for something that’s related to school. Before, she could just easily brush off her academic disappointments, but now I witnessed for the first time how sad she was when she saw that her name wasn’t included in the qualifiers’ list. I seem lost for words to comfort her because I, myself, can’t accept the fact that she didn’t qualify for that damn school. I really hate the fact that they really bother her so much with the admission process, only not to be included on the qualifiers. I hate them because I know she really worked, prayed, and hoped hard to be in that school.
But at the end, she didn’t get in.
My emotions are such a mess for now. I really, really feel bad for her. I want to smother her with a lot of good things now, just for her to forget that horrid result. I know it will really affect her morale because, since then, she’s been unconfident about her academic capabilities. I know she somehow grew up in the shadow of my academic successes. Not to brag, but I’ve been a constant achiever since I entered school, and she somehow was kinda the opposite of me.
She’s a laid-back version of me.
She’s really not the kind of person who strives hard for academic excellence. She always says that the only important part of studying is that she passed. I somehow loathed her for that mentality because, for me, it kinda low-key insulted my hard work in achieving those academic successes. I’m not totally a bright person—I’m just a person who really strives. My knowledge often came from reading and observation because I was a natural-born bookworm and observer. I’m really curious about many things; that’s why I’m really into studying. But later on, I found out that she’s just built differently.
She’s quite dyslexic.
That’s the reason why she’s kinda slow at learning how to read. I never realized it until I saw her old test papers from her younger years in elementary. The way she wrote her name was quite funny because it’s somehow the messed-up or reverse version of her name. Her name is MARIA but she wrote it as RIAAM. I used to laugh about it before, but now I have pondered that what she experienced at that time was not really funny…In fact, it’s—
It was a sad thing—even kinda traumatic when you really absorbed it.
Thankfully, as she progressed to the higher grade, her study habits somehow improved. Also, her dyslexic tendency didn’t persist; I guess it was just apparent in her younger years. She slowly worked her way to the top ten of her class, and I was really proud of her. She’s slowly gaining confidence since she became one of the top students in their class. She indeed improved in her academic field, but again...
Her laziness really strikes in—sometimes.
There are really things that she became lazy with. For example, when she didn’t get that lesson, she didn’t really persist that much to understand it. Maybe she’ll try a couple of times, and if she still doesn’t get it, then she’ll just give up on it. I don’t want to compare myself to her, but as I said, I’m the opposite of her. I really try, try, and try until I get that lesson. I always convince her that maybe she’ll just see or understand it the wrong way, but most of the time she’ll just brush it off, saying...
"Di nato pugson kay mabuang ra ta." (Let’s not force it because we will just get crazy.)
She always said that whenever she couldn’t understand the lesson she was studying, She’s the one who always advises me not to take things seriously because she knows I’m really an overthinker. She always said that we’re too young to overthink about our future, but still, I can’t help but to do so. Her constant support for my life ventures was one of the things that kept me motivated. Also, she’s really a frank person, so if she knew that I’m doing the wrong thing, she'd not hesitate to call me out for it.
She definitely will not tolerate my erroneous view.
She’s not the type of person who tolerates wrong decisions. We often quarrel about it because I’m quite a hard-headed person. I sometimes stick with the wrong things, even if I know it is because... I have this attitude that doesn’t want to be told what to do. I’m more into self-realization, so it really irked me when she pointed out those erroneous decisions of mine. So... I was really sad and disappointed with the school, for failing to notice how exceptional she was.
Damnthat school, even though I’m currently studying here.
I’m really sad, but I can’t imagine how sad she is now. She’s not crying anymore, as of now, but I know it’s really a big blow to her confidence. I hope she’ll recover the way she did before she experienced similar academic disappointment. I know she’s built tougher than me, so she’ll definitely overcome this.
I’m really rooting for her.
—ridgette♡
All the pictures that were used were taken and edited by yours truly, ridgette.