Sandra! Sandra! My mouth shaking as I called her with teary eyes, my body shivering, I was scared to death, she was busy packing her clothes in her small travelling bag, I called her again, but she didn't respond, then I called her our secret name, baby lo mo mi, ( meaning my baby that's hot), we usually call ourselves that name whenever we want to appease ourselves. But this time around it didn't work, I guess her mind was made up.
I had to touch her leg before she turned and looked me in the eye as if she wants to consume me with her fiery eyes. She was fuming so hard, that I thought she would stab me with the knife on the floor beside her wardrobe. But somehow she was able to control herself because she has a history of destroying things whenever she is angry. I was so scared when she looked at me like that.
Suddenly, she started throwing her clothes all over the room, furiously like a blind mad dog who senses the footsteps of a criminal. She looked at me with so much disgust. Everywhere in the bedroom was turned upside down. Clothes were littered everywhere, the clothes that she has packed in her bag, were all over the place, damn! I thought that was my end. How do I save myself from this? If she does something stupid, who will tell the story, these and many more question was running through my mind.
Then, suddenly she was calm as if cold water poured on her, that moment she turned and said, you will never see me again, you cheat, after all, I have done for you, this is how you pay me back? I gave you 20 years of my life and this is how you reward me for that? My God will judge you. He will judge you, you are so heartless.
Still,l was on the floor full of shame and regret, I wanted to explain things but my mouth wouldn't move, I was so confused about what to do, everything was happening so fast. Just last night we made love and played together. What happened? How did we get to this point? How did she find out that I cheated on her? Oh God, I'm finished.
She said I will forgive you anything but not cheating, this is the limit I can take. Have a good life, as she said that it was as if my world has come to an end. Immediately rolling on the floor, begging and begging, she said her mind is made up. That how can I cheat on her and still come back to make love to her? Do I think that she won't find out? Still puzzled about how she found out, but that doesn't matter now.
What matters now is her forgiveness, nothing else matters, I did all I can to change her mind but she refused...
As she was about to leave, a letter we both wrote when we were dating, fell off of her bag, and she picks it up, reads it and started crying. The letter reads thus
love is not love if not tested, every love must be tested with doubts, pain, and betrayal, what makes love, love, is the number of tests it has passed. Love forgives always! Not sometimes, there is nothing love cannot forgive. Don't allow one mistake to cancel all tests your love for each other has been through. Bank on your love for each other and you can fix anything.
In times of trouble, before you take any decision before you walk out, remember this, love is not fair, love is not unfair. Love succeeds where compromises are made, and limits are reached but you still hold and forgive each other no matter what! Because every Hot water will eventually get cold. You are married to a human being not to a God, so don't expect perfection , and forgive each other in advance. Before u walk out on each other, make sure you have given yourselves 1 million chances. If your shortcomings are not up to 1 million, never walk out, stay with each other, and you will figure things out eventually. If you must walk, walk to catch a breath and not to walk out of love.
As she read, she started to cry.
Her tears made me remember the day of our vow, our wedding day, she cried the same way. Very deep cry with only hmm hmm (sobbing) it was an intense moment in our life.
Having that flashback made me realise I'm about to lose my best person on earth, at that spot, I remembered what we have been through together, I remembered the hardships we have faced together, the ups and the downs. The mistake we forgave each other, how can this now tear us apart? No way. We will fix this I said in my heart. As I was about to look at her, she knelt and looked me in the eyes and said, don't hurt me again, my heart is heavy and in so much pain, my love for you can't be broken by your mistake, I love you forever, but how much more can my heart take? How much pain will you cause me? Please don't play with my heart again. Please...
As she was saying this, I was flat on the floor, held her tight, and couldn't speak tears soaked my shirt. Her words pieced every soul of my being, I was speechless. All I could hear her say was, we can fix this, but please don't pull this building down again.