What's Good Hive!
LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE
I am 100% sure each and every person, Teenager or Adults have heard from there peers, family, or anyone close to them this words:
"Hey! It's okay. you'll be fine!"
"Don't worry about it, you deserve more than him/her!"
"It's just a small problem, that's nothing."
"You'll find someone better, someone new!"
I'm sure you know where this blog is going..
I recently went to a break up.. and at my age, from my past experiences, I always thought I could always handle my self emotionally, physically, mentally very well.. Unfortunately things will always be "It's easier said than done". I guess I'm really a sucker for love.. 🤦🏼♂️
Just to give a back story, I used to, never believe in Love, Marriage, Partner, etc. I always believe I can survive or live this world without a significant other, I was in a state of mind that, my existence is more than that of the norms. I always say it's just "A Problem".
F*** THE NORMS!
That's what I use to say, I didn't want any commitment to anyone.. I care less about it. "I can be with anyone, no commitment, and No love needed." What I use to say, this is probably because of me growing up with a broken family thinking it is "okay", Me saying this gave me a Spiritual Theory..
A Theory that, If I leave this world with, no child, no foot print to leave behind this reality, I would then go back to the "Source" and become what I was initially was. A God..and having this thought would make me "unbreakable".
REALITY BITES!
One day, I met this lady, it was that time after the pandemic lockdown, She was beautiful, had a long brown curly hair, brown eyes, petite, and have the sexiest voice I have ever heard, she was Filipina by blood but grew up in Germany and was an American citizen. Yes it started as just a casual dating, I liked her since at the time it seems like we had that "same vibe" feeling, I enjoy her company, as she did, she's very much open minded about things, She's very kind, sweet and all, until I started noticing inconsistency that I usually just brush off my shoulder and never bother to say anything about it.. but to be honest, I had all the signs telling "She's not what she seems to be".. but out of my feelings for her, and giving her the benefit of the doubt, and thought if ever she was and my hunch were true, Was trying to give it a chance, and hopeful things could turns out differently..DEAD WRONG!
I guess I was dead wrong.. I ignore all the signs and symptoms, I ignored ever part of it.. I ignored my self too.. You see, I bit my own tongue when I said "I don't need a significant others", I guess at my age, and my goals, was more pure than what I expect from my self.. Since we started dating, All I wanted was to make goals with her, love her, be with her, become each other's strength and build our cornerstone from the ground.. I decided this to be THE last relationship.. and what she say? same..
ACTIONS SPEAKS F****N LOUDER!
Unfortunately the quote "Action Speaks Louder Than Words!" is very much up to this day is true, and no day would ever change that.. The bitch can talk more of her feelings from her last ex more than our own goals.. smh 🤦🏼♂️ I try other ways to get to her, I try to talk her out the most calm way possible, but talk turns to arguments, and turns into fights.. She uses terms like "With holding information" a.k.a Gas Fucking Lighting! I figure, probably at some point of our relationship, she just thought to her self she don't see her self with me anymore.. Or she has found someone new, but was pitying me and couldn't voice it out and doesn't want to be the "bad guy" and end the relationship..
WHY DO I HAVE TO POST ABOUT IT?
Forgive me if I had to voice this out here.. My circle is so little, and I very much do not open my self to anyone, not to my family nor to my friends.. I'm on my own here.. I got no one to talk about this things.. and unlike in other country, an individual can go to a therapist to help with there mental and emotional state. Not in my country.. Where anxiety, depression or what ever I feel would bee, self experienced, taught and fixed. so forgive me if I am posting this.. I'm just having a hard time moving on.. I got no one to talk about these kind of things, I don't know how to handle it well, I want to get over her like she have.. but I just don't know how.. When I can't help my self but think of her, I can't stop my heart to long for her..
PICKING UP THE PIECES
It has been almost a month since our last talk.. Am I too emotional? Am I too soft to feel broken and depressed for losing her? Seems like she has totally forgotten about the "Love" she used to declare or me.. For the longest time, I try to stop my self getting in touch with her.. Forcing my self never to get in contact.. because what's the point? She doesn't even bother at all.. She seem very much over what we used to share.. She probably already change her ways towards me, or have moved on and care less of my existence.. I don't know..
"It's easier said, than done."
If only I could stop my mind to think of her, I would.
If only I could stop my heart from beating for her, I would.
If only I know the best way to go about this, I would.
ADVISES AND SUGGESTIONS
Do you have anything for me to take away? Does anyone have a similar experience that you could share, how did you survive? what you did? what's your best possible way? I'm gladly to accept all your feedback and help.. I just feel so broken right now, unmotivated, unproductive, and destructive.. 😔
I would love to hear your in sights.. please comment down below.
