I was with this man that I was close to dating, but for an important reason, I ran far away from him and never looked back. Hold on, don’t judge me yet.
After about six months of conversing over the phone, I decided to pay him a visit after much persuasion. Plus, I was gradually falling in love with this man, so why not? I thought. Moreover, I still had a lot of time to spend with him in the same space if we ended up together. Plus, I was home all through the week. I should step out during the weekend, I thought.
I got to his home, and we were having a very interesting time until his sister came in to disturb him and taunt him a little about having a girl over after a very long time.
“That’s okay now”, he said to his sister. Well, siblings would always be siblings, especially the younger ones, so, she didn’t stop because she was having fun while at it. However, my potential boyfriend had issues with being taunted, and before I realized what was going on, he landed a slap on her cheek.
Wait, what?? “What did you just do?” I asked, and he responded, “I only shut her up”. My sister is too stubborn. Very stubborn. I have told her many times to stop doing the things I don’t like, but she wouldn’t listen to me. I’m sorry you had to see that. Can you unsee it, please? That was so unlike me. “Oh, okay”, I said.
I left the place a few minutes later and never looked back. I blocked him on all socials and blocked every other number he tried to reach me through.
Anger management is a skill that’s supposed to be inbuilt, however, with personal experience, I realized that it’s not inbuilt, rather, it is learnt and with so many efforts, becomes a part of an individual after so many trials.
My brother called me one day and said, “sis, I think something’s up with me. I get angry very easily, and the restlessness I feel afterwards isn’t a feeling I like. I couldn’t even look pass through someone calling me a fool, it would feel like I should hit the person, but somehow, I was able to hold back the urge to escalate the issue. It took a lot of self-restraints to do that. But I need help on how to get better. I hate the feeling of that anger because for the next few minutes, I won’t be able to do anything.
“It won’t be easy”, I said to him. To get this resolved permanently, you need to persistently learn to take deep breaths before you talk whenever someone hurls hurtful words at you or does something that angers you. Count 3, 2, 1 and do breathing exercise. Then, try not to open your mouth to say anything at that moment, and when you do, make sure it’s a smile that comes out from it.
If it’s a situation you can walk away from, then as much as possible, do that so that you won’t be a victim of the consequence of uncontrolled anger.
Getting angry is normal, however, being careful of what you say or do during the moment of the anger is very important. Just like the potential boyfriend I ran away from because of the fear of getting at any slight provocation just like he did to his sister, it may be something much more than losing a potential girlfriend. It could be a job, a contract or even an award.
Losses and regrets due to something that you can learn to control is unavoidable. However, if you think your level of anger is beyond the tips here, therapy will be a very good option.