Hay un pensamiento errado cuando se habla de depresión. Muchas veces se cree que se está triste solo porque uno quiere, porque uno decide ver el vaso medio vacío o se bloquea ante la posibilidad de ver soluciones, cuando realmente es alguien que sin decir ni una sola palabra, pide a gritos ayuda y apoyo. Para mí estar deprimido es como caer en un hueco profundo al que no ves salida, solo desidia. Es por esa razón que “caer en hueco” es un término generacional muy de los Gen Z, para referirse a cuando están tristes y lamentablemente hace poco yo caí en hueco.

Y aunque es normal sentirse triste de vez en cuando, lo peor de caer en hueco es el no poder reconocer que necesitas ayuda para salir. La sociedad nos ha enseñado a lidiar en silencio todo lo que nos acompleja o atormenta, ha creado una estigma con acudir con profesionales y una vez que ya has logrado ese paso de pedir ayuda, te ensenan a mantenerlo en secreto como si estuviera mal no estar bien. Muchas personas tachan de debilidad hablar abiertamente sobre la salud mental, cuando debería ser tan común como hablar de algún malestar físico.

Muchas veces criticamos o ejercemos opiniones negativas sobre personas que pasan todo el día en la cama, señalándolas o catalogándolas de “flojas/holgazanas” sin conocer que hay detrás de su desanimo. Siempre es más fácil juzgar sin investigar el trasfondo de lo que tal vez eso puede significar. Quizás el logro del día para esa persona fue salir de la cama y bañarse y por desconocimiento le quitas el mérito a ese nuevo objetivo alcanzado. Para mi lo mejor siempre será no suponer ni sacar teorías anticipadas y darte la oportunidad de conocer cada historia sin perjuicio alguno.

Todo esto lo menciono porque hace días hable con mi psicólogo de confianza Ricardo Harry y me estaba explicando como es que hay veces que sin querer desalentamos o hacemos menos la valentía de las personas que se atreven a confesarnos que no están bien. Frases tan comunes como: “pero siéntete bien”, “tienes que superarlo” o “anímate” pueden ser el detonante para que la persona afectada sienta que haces menos lo que ellos sienten. Esto también es muy común en personas que se autoperciben como fuertes y que pueden hacerlo todo solos, entonces al mostrarse vulnerable ante alguien más y no recibir el apoyo que esperan, son más propensos a encerrarse en su problema y aparentar que todo va bien ante los demás.

Es por eso que hoy he dedicado este post, para quien necesite leer que nada es para siempre y que hasta la tormenta más fuerte pasa, pero mientras esperamos está bien pedir ayuda y apoyarnos en expertos. Recordemos que nuestros seres queridos no están preparados para lidiar con nuestros problemas de manera asertiva, incluso ni saben como lidiar los de ellos mismos. También para aquel que está en la posición contraria de querer apoyar a alguien y no saber como, a veces la mejor manera de actuar es preguntarle antes si quieren que solo lo escuchen o que los ayuden a buscar una solución y por supuesto para recordarles que está bien no estar bien.

There is an erroneous thought when talking about depression. Many times it is believed that one is sad just because one wants to be, because one decides to see the glass half empty or is blocked by the possibility of seeing solutions, when really it is someone who, without saying a single word, cries out for help and support. For me, being depressed is like falling into a deep hole to which you see no way out, only idleness. It is for that reason that "falling into a hole" is a very Gen Z generational term, to refer to when they are sad and unfortunately I recently fell into a hole.

And while it's normal to feel sad from time to time, the worst thing about falling into a hole is not being able to recognize that you need help to get out. Society has taught us to deal in silence with everything that makes us self-conscious or torments us, it has created a stigma with going to professionals and once you have taken that step of asking for help, they teach you to keep it a secret as if it's wrong not to be well. Many people dismiss it as weakness to talk openly about mental health, when it should be as common as talking about physical discomfort.

We often criticize or exercise negative opinions about people who spend all day in bed, singling them out or labeling them as "lazy/lazy" without knowing what is behind their discouragement. It is always easier to judge without investigating the background of what perhaps that might mean. Maybe the achievement of the day for that person was to get out of bed and take a bath and out of ignorance you take away the merit of that new goal achieved. To me the best thing will always be to not assume or draw theories ahead of time and give yourself the opportunity to get to know each story without prejudice.

I mention all this because a few days ago I spoke with my trusted psychologist Ricardo Harry and he was explaining to me how sometimes we unintentionally discourage or diminish the courage of people who dare to confess to us that they are not well. Common phrases such as: "but feel good", "you have to get over it" or "cheer up" can be the trigger for the person concerned to feel that you do less than they feel. This is also very common in people who perceive themselves as strong and that they can do it all alone, then by showing themselves vulnerable to someone else and not receiving the support they expect, they are more likely to withdraw into their problem and pretend that everything is fine to others.

I mention all this because a few days ago I spoke with my trusted psychologist Ricardo Harry and he was explaining to me how sometimes we unintentionally discourage or diminish the courage of people who dare to confess to us that they are not well. Common phrases such as: "but feel good", "you have to get over it" or "cheer up" can be the trigger for the person concerned to feel that you do less than they feel. This is also very common in people who perceive themselves as strong and that they can do it all alone, then by showing themselves vulnerable to someone else and not receiving the support they expect, they are more likely to withdraw into their problem and pretend that everything is fine to others.

That's why today I have dedicated this post, for anyone who needs to read that nothing is forever and that even the strongest storm passes, but while we wait it's okay to ask for help and lean on experts. Let's remember that our loved ones are not prepared to deal with our problems in an assertive way, they don't even know how to deal with their own. Also for the one who is in the opposite position of wanting to support someone and not knowing how, sometimes the best way to act is to ask them first if they want to just be listened to or to help them find a solution and of course to remind them that it is okay not to be okay.