Image Source: https://x.com/Firehawke/status/1934973552773496861?t=eQRymrw4Th84yNuA5ijkfg&s=19
In a plot twist that even Hollywood couldn’t dream up, U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio has reportedly ditched his diplomatic briefcase for a black turban and a crash course in Persian diplomacy. Sources (aka my cousin who saw it on X) claim Rubio was last seen exchanging his American flag pin for a flowing beard and a solemn vow to mediate peace starting with his own haircare routine.
Image Source: https://x.com/Rarely_Wrong/status/1935038136041537996?t=uR6ZiTK9Oin4jz3MyJyadQ&s=19
Eyewitnesses say Rubio, now dubbed "Ayatollah Marco," was spotted chanting "Death to Bad Hair Days!" while sporting a beard that could double as a Persian rug. "He’s traded his filibusters for fatwas," quipped a stunned Capitol Hill intern. Rumor has it he’s negotiating a deal to replace the U.S. Constitution with a cookbook of saffron rice recipes.
The White House has yet to comment, but Rubio’s new look is complete with a turban, and a suspiciously well-groomed beard has social media ablaze. Some speculate that this is his boldest move yet to win over Iran, while others think he’s just tired of Florida humidity. Either way, expect his next press conference to feature more incense than policy.
Stay tuned as we await Rubio’s first sermon, or should we say, "State of the Union Fatwa"?
Image Source: https://x.com/NukedAccount4/status/1935053018002530526?t=nVq_I7j25r0mGwPrkNQjKQ&s=19