Cuddling in bed with my tom tom, I scrolled through my phone reading, awing, admiring and laughing my ass out as the single lady that I am. This is the story of my life, I do this literally every evening before I go to bed, while my friends hangout with their boyfriends, colleagues, or you know just hangout...I am what you call an introvert by condition. Don’t get me wrong, I am not sad or depressed haha, I mostly enjoy spending time alone…I like my privacy, although I would like to go out sometimes. Anyway, I am not the topic of discussion for today, Tega is.
As I browsed through my phone I heard a knock on the door, before I could answer the person already said who she was… it was Tega my friend and she didn’t sound so well. I hurriedly opened the door and there she was staring like a lost puppy.
“Tega, what are you doing here by this time? Why are you looking like a lost...”she burst in tears before I could complete the words.
“Bliss...”, she continued on as the tears kept rolling down. I was confused, I couldn’t find the right words at the time so I just took her in, sat her down and gave her a glass of water.
“What is wrong? Did something happen? Is everyone okay at home? I thought you were supposed to spend the weekend over at your boyfriends?”, all the questions just kept coming as I was confused at that particular moment.
“He broke up with me”, she said trying to wipe the tears away.
“oh no, I am sorry”, I held her feeling sad for her. Tega had been in that relationship for two years, and we were all expecting the “big question” this year but this? “How did it happen? Did you guys fight? Did you do something wrong?” I asked trying to understand why he would suddenly break up with her.
“No we did not have any fight. He said we were not compatible”, she said.
“What does that even mean? I am confused, pls make me understand I begged for more explanation.
“He doesn’t think we would make a good couple on the long run. He said he had observed for a while our differences in values and beliefs, we actually argue a lot about so many things recently, but I told him I would work on it, I told him I was going to change... I just needed for him to trust me”, she said.
“So he had to wait 2 years to confirm all this...”, I blurted out. “He is insane and a good for nothing guy. He doesn’t deserve you...you are better than this”, I said as I tried comforting and taking her side without actually thinking if it was a right or wrong choice.
After much consoling and talking, I poke on an honest opinion. “Tega, do you actually think you would have been able to find a way to be compatible with him? You are going to force yourself to like what he likes? Follow is beliefs whether or not it feels right to you? How would you possibly be compatible with him overnight?”, I asked curiously.
“Well…”, she began to say. “Well, we could work something out. At least I am willing to try.
The moment you feel the need to change your entirety because of your relationship partner, you need to note that has a red flag. Personally, I feel any change that should take place should come naturally, not forced but out of love which in most cases happens unconsciously. You just see yourself doing what the other person likes despite the fact that you never liked doing it before, it is just you wanting to make your partner happy.
When we talk about being compatible in relationship, it goes beyond the “butterfly in your heart” kind of feelings or wanting to rip each other’s clothes apart kind of feeling. Compatibility makes you feel whole with your partner, your lifestyle, values or beliefs just blends so well at least to a very large extent as there is no perfect relationship. I use to think that being compatible with your partner means liking the same things, you know, movies, music, food, places, sports but I got to understand that it is actually much deeper than that. It scales through to preferences, values, belief, amongst others.
These are things you need to sit and discuss with your partner, then you observe as action speaks louder than words. Don’t wait till you are what...2-3months, ask questions, important questions...deep questions in order to avoid things that could have been easily avoided “stories that touches the heart”, plus time wasted.
There are always signs, we just choose to be blind to them.
Funny thing is, as much as compatibility is very important, the chemistry has to be there. The “chemistry/connection” you feel for him or her is what brought you both together in the first place and without this spice of spark you both are nothing more than roommate.
Then again, I say to myself love in relationship is particular to the individuals, are they willing to be honest about how they truly feel and not be carried away by his sexy voice, how good he is in bed and how much he spends on you on a daily or how sexy she is? Are we actually ready to not only be attracted by the physical beauty but willing to dig deeper in actually “getting to know” this other person?
Anyhoo, this is just my 2 cents. As for Tega, I hope she is alright wherever she is...whoever she represents.
