Source [Credit- Towfiqu barbhuiya]
A majority of my friends have always considered me childish and foolish whenever I reject ladies that make advances towards me without attempting to understand the reason for my actions.
According to them, these ladies were throwing themselves at me and I was simply throwing away the opportunity to explore and have fun while fulfilling my sexual desires in the process without having to go through the risk of rejection from doing the wooing since they were the ones doing it instead.
I consider these reactions an act of immaturity propelled by selfishness and a false sense of ownership to the female gender hashtag improper upbringing. After all, relationship isn't just about the pleasure and fun and fulfilment of ones sexual desires but of the heart, thus requiring conviction and preparation for commitment.
Apart from the fact that I was very convinced that what those ladies claimed to be 'love' was simply 'attraction' and 'infatuation', I wasn't ready for a relationship at those points (I'm not ready now either), one major thing I considered was their age and maturity as I wouldn't like to take advantage of anyone's naivety.
I've had several experiences and would like to share this specific one involving a 17 year old girl who was so convinced she was in love with me.
Consider this example.
It was a girl I had taught 2015/16 (I used to teach high school Physics at the time). There was no contact or any form of chit-chat between us while I taught at the time as I didn't give room for any out-of-classroom conversation with any of my students, it was strictly academic.
We somehow gained contact in 2018/19 and we did a little chit-chat where she mentioned she admired my intelligence as I stood out among her other teachers while she was in high school.
According to her, she was motivated by my actions and intelligence and decided that was what she wanted hence went on to be the best among her colleagues. She had begun to imitate my speech pattern, actions, and spent more time with books so she could be close to my standard. She said all these 2018!
We got close to a certain degree. I considered her a friend since she was no longer my student but she constantly talked about her attractions and feelings. In 2019, she said she was in love with me and was so sure she wanted to be with me.
Source [Credit- Shaira Dela Peña]
I wasn't surprised since it wasn't the first time my student/ ex-student would indicate interest in me, except this time she was very intentional with her approach and stated her intentions very clearly (she was 17 at the time).
My response
I spoke to her in the kindest way I could and didn't dismiss her feelings. Dismissing would have been detrimental to her and may cause her to regret ever opening up especially since it wasn't very common for ladies to express themselves that much due to the weird African culture on women expression.
I told her the feeling was mutual and that I had always considered a favourite student but I needed her to be sure that what she was feeling was really love and not simply a crush or infatuation.
Source [Credit- Frame Harirak]
I also assured her that she needed to take time to evaluate things further so she wouldn't regret her actions in the long run as she may realise that she made mistakes in years to come and may begin to feel I took advantage of her naivety. And that if she still feel the same way a year or two after then maybe it's actually what she thinks it is.
She claimed she was so sure and was trying so hard to convince me that it was love and not just a crush or infatuation.
I had to disagree!
She was 17 at the time, now she's 20. But here we are today.. I don't know if she still feels the same way but.. I doubt it.
We talked recently and according to her, she had never been in a relationship as she had found a greater purpose and wasn't ready until the right time. I have no idea what her definition of the right time is but her words proved my words stayed with her till date. A good thing I presume!
My overall point
I could have taken advantage of her if I was like my other friends because they'd have considered it an OPPORTUNITY. In fact, on telling my colleague, he called me a fool for letting such opportunity pass by even when I mentioned she was just a naïve teenager.
The greater Question
What about my approach to the above situation, was it the best decision, and was there anything better or more soothing I could have done?
Why would anyone consider such as an opportunity? Wouldn't that be an act of selfishness when it should be considered an opportunity to provide guidance?
Source [Credit- Rebe Pascual]
It's a messed up world init!