一早醒来，既不想起身也无法再入睡，翻来覆去地琢磨事情 —— 大概是“梦醒后遗症”。
好在今天是周五，已经盘算好下班去海河溜达，看看灯光秀，拍些照片和视频。攒一点能够分享的素材，或许还能趁此机会跟外国朋友打个视频电话。
想到之前线上口语课上。当时老师反复强调 “跟真人对话” 的重要性，我也确实尝试过，但效果一直不尽如人意。跟线上同学聊吧，聊着聊着就没了新意，好不容易有话题，用英语又说不明白，最后总会不自觉切换回母语。虽说坚持了一年，口语多少有提升，但始终没达到预期。后来在一些 App 上找外国人聊天，又总停留在表面：大多是相互问候，想聊得深入些，又怕有窥探隐私的嫌疑，唯一的感觉就是尴尬。
后来接触了外贸，话题总围绕业务相关的内容，以打字为主，业绩和转化指标的压力最终一边倒的压制了交流的偏好
从没想过合作失败的伙伴变成了朋友。只是我偶尔会困惑：这样的朋友关系该怎么维系？毕竟这么多年，连发小都能走着走着就散了。直到昨天，她跟我分享了自己的生日、喜好和心情，突然就触发了我 —— 我也想把自己喜欢的事物、当下的感受，通过拍照、拍视频的方式记录下来，再主动分享出去。
这个想法让我很兴奋：既能用视频电话和她互动，又能尝试用英语输出。尤其是用非母语描述时，那种神奇加倍的感受尤其让人兴奋，我那无处安放的精力也有了归宿。
清醒的时候看什么都充满希望，迷糊的时候又会本能地悲观。但这次，我更愿意相信前者。
Waking up early, I didn’t want to get up or fall back asleep. I tossed and turned—it must be the "aftereffect of a dream".
Luckily, today’s Friday. After work, I’ll walk by Haihe River: watch the light show, take photos or videos to share, and maybe even video call my foreign friend.
I thought of my online spoken English classes. The teacher kept saying "talk to real people", so I gave it a try. But chatting with classmates quickly got boring; when We couldn’t explain things in English, we’d switch back to our native language. After a year, I made little progress. Later, when I did foreign trade, I mostly typed about work and relied on AI or translation tools. The pressure of sales targets eventually killed my desire to chat.
I never expected a client I failed to cooperate with to become a friend. But how do I keep this friendship going? Even childhood friends drift apart over time. Until yesterday, when she shared her birthday, hobbies and feelings with me—that’s when I suddenly wanted to take photos or videos too: record the things I like and my own feelings, then share them. This idea excites me: I can video chat with her and practice my English. Using a non-native language to express myself feels even more amazing, and my extra energy finally has a place to go.
I’m hopeful when I’m awake, but pessimistic when I’m sleepy. This time, though, I choose to believe the hopeful part.