Hive Open Mic ( #openmic ) is a global community celebrating live music on Hive. Each week is a new event, encouraging musicians to share songs with an international audience.
Yesterday turned out to be an exciting day for me, and its story relates nicely with our Hive Open Mic theme: “Amor a Escondidas". In English, these words translate to "Hidden Love". I'd like to share about the various ways love is showing up in my life lately, and the fact that my love life rocked my world just yesterday. The song I'm sharing is a new one, written for a friend I'll mention in the story. Shhh. It's a secret.
The backstory, for anyone who doesn't know me yet, is that my present life situation involves three kids who live with me half of the time, and their mom is a close friend of mine, even though we completed our marriage contract a year ago. Going through a marriage separation hasn't always been easy, and it's a bit taboo to talk about too, so I usually just keep it on the down-low. Here's a rare chance to let it off my chest, and lift it up.
I like to take special notice of the times when life feels like heaven, or home, because I believe this is my highest pursuit in life: being home in the present moment. On Monday night's full moon, I found myself with friends making music in the countryside, by a bonfire. For me, music is like a key to the kingdom of heaven. I imagine every musician can relate with the thought that our musical gifts get us there sometimes.
Tuesday evening, still beaming from the previous night's full moon, I said a flirtatious remark to a friend of mine. Let's call her Knoxy for the purposes of this story, because when I'm with her it feels like I'm knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door. I told her I'd like to team up with her to visualize and manifest a home where we could live in the country. She told me she wasn't ready.
Energetically, I suddenly felt deflated. At first, I couldn't tell if I was experiencing a sting of rejection, or whatever else, but I felt slightly embarrassed and physically exhausted as the energy moved through me. The next day, we went hiking, and she told me it felt like a dark cloud, which makes sense. She handed me a rock and invited me to express my pain and then let it go by tossing the rock into the water.
I told the stone, "I love you, Cabe, exactly as I am. I love you together. I love you alone. In all the ways you are, I love and accept you." When I watched the stone drop, I saw the water rippling in all directions. Then I laid down and looked up at the sky, all white, with sparkling lights like stars, while my joy flooded back into my mind.
Vocalizing these sensations with Knoxy, I discovered a sadness that is related with a fear of abandonment. I got myself off balance by looking too far into the future, seeing myself alone, losing her. That fear of abandonment is a serious force, and in fact I have some trauma from my past to justify that fear. However, I also have some aptitudes, energetic tools, and allies, to guide me through the darkness, home to love.
Thankfully, I had a four-hour drive ahead of me that day, picking up my kids from their grandma's house, far from Austin. The spaciousness gave me a chance to check in with my body, heart, and mind, in order to see what's resonating. Knoxy is resonating. My kids are resonating. My entire life situation is resonating, really. I made it to heaven with the kids before sundown. We laughed and played, and made time for a rad family portrait.
Still With You
A song about being still
Chords:
Em------C---Am--Lyrics:
I can feel you in the countryside
When the horses run wild
I can feel you in the firelight
When it warms up the night
I can feel you in the wind
When it brushes my skin
I can feel you in cacao
When it kisses my mouth
I can feel you in guitar strings
When my heart sings
Acknowledgements
Hive Open Mic - Week 93 is underway right now, with the current theme: “Amor a Escondidas". We introduce new themes every Sunday, inviting musicians to share a common current. Musicians always have full freedom to bring whatever music feels inspired in the moment. There is still time to jump in and enjoy this week's Hive Open Mic event!