Good day everyone. I hope everything is doing fine. There are times when homesickness attacks me. I don't know how to name it. It's the feeling that makes you long for something that you cannot explain. When I look over the balcony, the scene that feeds my eyes drowns my heart even more.
It's a gloomy morning and the sun is nowhere to be found.
I was torn about going home and seeing my family or reimburse my plane ticket to save for the future. I have so many plans in my mind like what I planned before when I went home for Holiday almost two years ago. I've planned to cook for my parents, take my daughter shopping and many more. Sad to say nothing seemed to work. I didn't do anything. Even the cooking. But at that time the school was still open, that's we didn't find time to go shopping. When the weekends come, everyone would be so lazy to go and spend most of the time sleeping and cleaning. I only come out of my room to eat. Days passed like blur. Just woke up, it was already my flight back then.
Now if I would make up my mind to go for Holiday, I would think the same. I would cook for them and spend time shopping. One thing that I always worry about is the expenses. We know how expensive everything is nowadays. Going back home requires a lot of money. My boss already offered to lend money to me. I just tell her how much I need and she would be happy to give. I am thinking, if I borrow money also, I need to pay. What's the difference? Like last time, I advanced two months salary. When I came back, I was heartbroken to think that I've spent all the money and needed to wait for two months before I would have my salary. I don't want to experience it again. Even Though the longing to see them and spend time with them was so strong, I'm still having a second thought. Thinking also that 
Aside from the longing to be with my family that I want to go home to, I'm also tired. I want to rest, not just physically but also emotionally and mentally. I can rest for a while from all the nagging and scolding. This one is more exhausting than anything else. Until now I cannot make up my mind. I'm not prepared. Before I planned to go back in May for my daughter's graduation, but because of a sudden turn of events I can only go home this month. Otherwise I need to wait till 2026 to go.
Before I drown and sink myself even more in my own lonely world, I decided to go out to freshen my mind and divert my attention to other things.
What do you think guys? Any suggestions to help me make up my mind🥺❤️.?