Periodically, you may have noticed me say something like "Music is my mind-altering substance of choice!"
Whereas those words might sound slightly facetious, they are also entirely true. Still... why am I altering my mind?
For most people, aural and scent memories are very strong, and they have the ability to "transport" us in ways simple reminiscence cannot.
I often find myself falling down the rabbit holes of various music "micro genres," because they reflect my feelings of the moment; of any given moment.
Recently, it has been the nostalgic sounds of Vaporwave that finds its way onto my playlists, and my soundscapes. The irony, I suppose, is that this music sounds like a different era, but is mostly made currently. In some ways, I believe it amplifies the nostalgic sound that it was likely created by someone who wasn't alive when that sound was contemporary.
When I was a kid, I often heard the adults around me talk about "the good old days," and it was a turn of phrase that continues to mystify me, to this day... these nostalgic musical reminiscences usually arise as a result of my casting about in the past, looking for anything I might consider "good old days."
Therein lies the rub: Even in the not so distant past, I remember telling people that "My 'good old days' are still in the future!" and entirely meaning it.
The Present seems to be about as good as any time has been... and "it ain't too pretty!"
Maybe that's sad and pathetic. Maybe my expectations of "good times" have been too unrealistic.
Truth be known, most "good old days" I recall were fragments no more than minutes or possibly hours long...
Seems I have circled back to where I was a few days ago: Most of life is mundane.
Then again, maybe it is just acedia, rearing its ugly head. Setting aside the religious definitions, we are left with the emotional and psychological versions of a kind of "sloth," that goes with the struggle of staying enthusiastic in the face of what feels like an ocean of "sameness."
In some ways, perhaps it is like the monks who would dutifully tend their gardens and say their prayers day after day for 30 years or more, but eventually they were "running on automatic" and not really present and engaged in the simple tasks they would do, day after day after day.
Perhaps this is why some people seek eternal variety, adventure and seem "restless" if they fall into excessive routine.
No, this is not a form of depression speaking. More a coming to terms with the fact that there likely isn't anything much better than right now, so the best we can do for ourselves is to wake up and be grateful for what is here, in this moment!
The nostalgic sounds coming from the speakers is very evocative, but I also have to remind myself that the feelings evoked are of a sense of missing something from the past that never actually existed...
Thanks for reading, and enjoy the remainder of your week!
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Created at 20221019 00:15 PDT
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