It seems like no matter where you go, there's always some kind of discussion or debate over whether to pursue your authentic calling in life, or be more practical and be content with just making a living at something you're good at.
But I think it goes further than that, because sometimes we choose our path purely based on familiarity, nothing more.
From my perspective, there's a big difference between being attracted to something and merely being familiar with something.
And yet, we very often confuse the two. In fact, the two can get interwoven so much that we fall completely out of touch with how to make healthy choices, or choices that benefit our highest and best self.
And this doesn't just apply to our work path, but also to our relationships, friendships and other choices.
Back when I was working in the IT industry, there was this coworker of mine — Penny — who seemed completely incapable of choosing either friends or boyfriends who were not complete trainwrecks.
I remember a long conversation we had one time, sitting on a bench outside one of the buildings at work while sharing lunch... and with some insistent prodding it came to light that on some strange level Penny simply didn't find people who knew what they were doing and seemed to have their life together to be ”interesting.”
This realization inadvertently came to light because she was talking about eternal ”boyfriend problems” and every time I would bring up somebody we worked with whom I thought would be reasonably sensible and had their shit together (as in, we're not the chaotic circus shows Penny would typically date) she would pretty much dismiss all of them with a ”Nah, he's boring!” or something along those lines.
Ultimately, Penny's issue wasn't that any of these guys were truly boring, but that she was deeply entrenched in a particular kind of insecurity that left her feeling superfluous if she didn't need to ”manage” somebody else’s chaotic life.
She was lacking self-honesty, in the sense that being with someone who didn't need to be "fixed" would likely leave her the "emotional space" to have to examine her own deep rooted issues.
It was also an interesting learning experience for myself, because whereas there was something incredibly alluring and attractive about Penny, I also recognized her as precisely the kind of chaotic and needy mess that should instill a ”Run for your life!” response in me.
Fortunately, it wasn't an issue because I belonged squarely in her ”Boring Zone!”
The whole thing got me to reflect on the fact that we — at least on paper — place an incredibly high value on so-called ”unconditional love” and yet most of the love we choose (or end up with) tends to be far more ”transactional” in nature.
Perhaps this is not surprising, because we're surrounded by messages to suggest that ”true love” is something we have to EARN by overcoming seemingly insurmountable pile of obstacles, and it certainly isn't something that is freely given simply because we feel a connection to another.
Just consider the plot structure of most romantic novels and Hollywood love stories. Heck, even consider your average Disney Princess — often one of the early impressions we are fed of what love means — which is all about the hero or Prince earning the love of the Princess, usually by doing lots of heroic stuff.
Think about it .
”If you do these things for me, bring me a mgic unicorn, a golden goose and build this Castle for me, THEN I will love you!”
It might be heroic, but it's certainly not unconditional love, something I recently had pointed out by one of my spiritual teachers who "deconstructs" fairy tales as teaching experiences.
Which brings me back to the question of whether or not we are truly honest about the direction we are following in life, and why we are following it.
I expect we each have to find our personal path. I do know — for myself — that I was never really content while pursuing the more pragmatic path through life. It always felt like I was "selling out," and it was because I was in pursuit of a "generally recommended" reality that actually didn't represent what I truly wated in life.
Just something to think about...
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Created at 2024-06-27 00:29 PDT
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