I was 12 years old when I first met my grandpa. My mom and dad strictly told us to put on our best behavior and gave us a quick overview of rules to follow for the night. I mistakenly assumed that my grandpa was going to look like a stout, jolly, white bearded man who would be very easy going and full of banters. The rules of grandpas place were the following:
This is what I pictured my grandpa would look like 🤣
Photo by Markus Spiske
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1. Follow a seating plan at the dining table. We must never sit on the host's seat since grandpa sits there.
2. Speaking in an informal language is discouraged.
3. Maintain elegance of all forms when greeting, talking, eating, laughing and walking.
For the most part, my parents were comfortable that the dinner party would go smoothly with the exception of me. I had a reputation for stirring the pot and making messes. My grandpa was a 6 feet tall man with a stern face and an athletic build. He was a former pilot with a white moustache and shiny white hair. He loved his routines and was not afraid to give practical advises. When other family members tried to impress him with their refined knowledge, his pragmatic approach would leave the audience with new questions and approaches.
A lot of rules were broken that night. I ignored the seating plan and sat on my grandpa’s chair until he walked in and cleared his throat which is when I took it as my cue to change seats. I was cutting chicken with a knife and fork like my dad taught me when suddenly my knife slipped and sent the piece of chicken flying in the air hitting my grandpa's dignified face and leaving a little trail of bbq sauce. He maintained his composure meanwhile I got a death stare from my parents meanwhile my siblings tried to hide their giggles.
The stiff household soon became more relaxed as I found my grandpa's collection of hidden board games and asked guests to join in and play. It was at this moment when my grandpa pulled me aside to have a talk. I thought I was in trouble but he simply lectured me about the importance of pragmatism and staying focused, dedicated and consistent with routine and trying out new things. At the same time, he laughed about the flying chicken and told me that he has learned something from me and that is the importance of being light-hearted and creative instead of being tied down by rules and structures.
Photo by chuttersnap
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My memory of this moment ignited when I experienced my first burnout 3 years ago. I was following the footsteps of my parents and grandfather to do the things which were expected of me while maintaining routines, structure and a practical approach. I had changed a lot. I was no longer the light-hearted person I used to remember being.
I was doing too many things which were not feeding my soul. It was at this time, I remembered my conversation with him. My grandpa left me with a profound message of staying balanced. He admitted that his tough demeanor was not sustainable and an excessively carefree approach would be like a man happily riding a ship with no sense of direction or destination. I decided to take a step back and reignite the hobbies and creative endeavors which I used to enjoy as a child. My grandpa reinforced the message of staying in the middle of the spectrum and thanks to him, I didn't spiral down too deep into a mess and possible mental deterioration. His message stays deeply embedded within me.
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Photo by Samuel Francis Johnson
I wanted to include a picture of my grandpa but I felt that it was not right to do so until I could get his permission so I decided to leave it out in hopes of staying respectful towards him.
