In my happy childhood and youth, I spent a lot of time with both my father's and mother's parents. And these couples were absolutely opposite. Old men from the father's side are northerners, from the mother's side are southerners. This doesn't mean that they fought each other in the civil war, and my parents' marriage was the story of Romeo and Juliet against the backdrop of the struggle for independence... But you need to know this to understand the difference in their temperaments.
First of all, I would like to tell you about the grandfathers, because they left a more tangible mark on my upbringing as men. It is important to understand that both grandfathers replaced my father, because my parents separated when I was 6.
All my life it has been a classic comparison of a good-cop and a bad-cop. Let's call them winter-grandpa (bad) and summer-grandpa (good). It may seem like a twist of fate, but my life turned out in such a way that I really spent the winter time of the year with the evil grandfather, and the summer time with the good one.
Winter-grandpa- Was a civilian sailor all his life, walked the northern seas, getting whale oil, under the light of the aurora borealis (I thought at the time). In fact, he was the chief engineer on long-distance ships, was constantly in the engine compartment and became a little deaf by his retirement. As a result, the volume of his voice was somewhere between the whistle of a locomotive and the cry of an elk in the mating season. This is one of his passive abilities-a demoralizing scream, which did not add advantages to his already bad temper.
Summer-grandpa - Colonel of the rocket forces, the first military man in the family, who achieved everything himself and became the third person in the city (where was based one of the main country's cosmodromes). Large fish in the middle pond. An avid fisherman, boxer, jack of all trades and a good prankster. The playful pinching of my grandmother's butt -the first thing that I saw before every family breakfast when I visited them every summer.
According to the description of my grandfathers, I was supposed to become something like a captain of a spaceship who catches space whales in nebulae (well, it partly came true, I did work in the state space agency).
Winter-grandpa
Was never the first, in anything, but he always demanded it from others. I don't know, maybe there were some secret competitions between grandfathers, where they measured the achievements of their grandchildren. There was a large prize pool, and the losers were anal tortured with the winners ' prizes.
I was pretty good at everything, studies, sports. What else can a child show himself in? Not in the construction of the Hadron Collider, right? But often I wasn't the first. Third place at the school Olympiad, second place at the biathlon competitions. Not Enough. He didn't want to hear how I did it. He asked why I didn't do better.
Do you know what happened when I did become the first? Well, this huge, almost two-meter man weighing 120 kg, told me:
Probably everyone else was weak. You're lucky you didn't compete with me.
Damn, and he was right, I think even a one-armed adult man is able to win an eight-year-old in swimming.
Everything changed when I was 13. Once he asked: could I pull up on the horizontal bar as many times as I am old. I could answer yes, I can even pull up twice as much. But I'm tired of trying to earn his respect, so I answered: What about you grandpa? Can you pull up on the horizontal bar as many times as you are old?... he was 60+ After that, he stopped humiliating me. I would say that in general he almost stopped communicating with me.
In the future, there were many cases when I defeated him, in arguments, in achievements, even in his favorite fishing, when I caught 3 pikes near his house, although he convinced that pike are not found in this river, because he had not caught a single any in 30 years.
It was not a fight for his respect, I just liked winning him. Over time, this habit grew into a desire to win in everyday life if someone thinks that you cannot cope.
Summer-grandpa
This man was a wizard. I could touch his love for me and for my sister with my hands, it dispersed from him in physically tangible waves in the air. I think that even if he lived not in the south, but somewhere in the Arctic, his love would melt all the glaciers and disperse the night. He would feed polar bears from his hand, and local tribes would come to him for good luck.
He replaced my father and taught me everything that a man should know and be able to do. It wasn't some kind of special training, like Batman training in the League of Shadows. I just watched him and listened to him, and he was always ready to help me. It is the ideal parenting model to enable a child to learn the best by following the example.
Despite his kind disposition, he was a very strong person. I remember several cases when he alone went against several adult men who could behave obscenely. It never ended in a fight. I wouldn't say that he was too old that these guys ignored him, no, in the beginning they were very aggressive. But something in him always stopped people like them, and they retreated. He was ready to fight, but it was like he was defeating them by willpower, even before the bloodshed.
The last time we met with him was when I was 20. I came to visit them after a long break, I haven’t been there since I was 16. Institute, first job, independent life, too many things to do… It turned out that he has a terminal stage of cancer. He's been smoking all his life. He and my grandmother didn't tell anyone, so as not to disturb us. When I arrived, he could no longer walk, hardly ate, and slept almost all the time.
I remember our first conversation, when I saw him like this, after 4 years of separation. He convinced me that everything is not so bad, he feels fine, and there is no need to call his daughter (my mother) to come. And he also asked me, had I money for beer and to take a pretty girl to the cinema.
Our last conversation took place at the hospital. We came for a consultation with a doctor, and he told my grandmother and me that my grandfather had a week left, at most. The doctor prescribed morphine for him, because the metastases reached the liver and stomach. Grandma stayed to talk to the doctor, I took grandfather outside.
He asked me "Is it bad"? I said that it was time to call my mother, otherwise she would not have time to arrive. He nodded silently, and then said:
Do you smoke? You have cigarettes with you? Let's just sit and smoke, I've never smoked with you.
And we just sat and smoked silently. He died at night, at home, two days later. My mom was 1 day late… I blamed myself for this for a long time, but then I realized that he felt when he would leave, so he allowed me to tell her. He didn't want her to see him like that, he didn't want to upset his beloved daughter. He knew that he would be in time before she…
You know, both of my grandfathers taught me the most important things. Winter-grandfather hardened my character. He taught me to compete, to resist, not to listen to authorities, to achieve results not for the sake of praise, but in opposition to those, who do not believe in you. This may sound destructive, but it often gives me the motivation I need.
Summer-grandpa taught me everything good, love, nobility, courage and strength of spirit. You don’t have to be cruel to appear strong, it’s not strength, it’s a way to hide weakness. Open love and kindness for your children, for your grandchildren, for your wife, for others does not make you weak. It seems to me that from these entities he drew his strength and was ready to protect all this in any way. Whether it's a bunch of drunken men, or a f*cking cancer.
Damn, I wanted to write this post in an easy and slightly funny manner, but this is too important topic. In the natural course of things, our grandparents leave before everyone else from our lives. This does not mean that their loss is easily tolerated and taken for granted. They leave an important mark on our lives, especially in our childhood.