Hello silver bloggers! First, I would like to introduce myself as a lady facing her twilight zone yet she still manage to cope with the latest trending fads of yesterday and the current Blockchain ecosystem just like any of us here.
A lady with silvery hair
Well, what can you expect from a 67 year old lady? Of course, silver hairs is undeniable and trying to keep her cool through regular hair dye! Lol! I would say... having reached this far is already a bonus! Don't you think so? I have seen good and bitter days but just like an old tree who have undergone the wrath of nature still stood firm but alas, its bark stood the marks it had suffered silently.
A victim of Bullying
I am not an exemption my friends. Life is not fair given the circumstances that I was born out of wedlock but who are we to complain on the ways of this unfortunate situation? Given no choice but to cry out upon breathing the first day of light in this troubled world. At such a young age, I grew up with my mother's elder brother along with their siblings. Oh well, they were a bunch of disciplinarians and church elders after all! Those days were agonies since child protection was still unknown unlike nowadays when you only need to dial 911! I was bullied heartlessly, was required to do the household chores at a young age and my tired back can only rest when the sun sets on the horizon. As I grew older, I used to look after the young ones and baby sit them, wash their soiled diapers... disposable diapers were not yet in the market during that time so you can imagine me removing the poops and washing the yellow stained diapers until my hands are sore. My aunt would pinch me hard on my waist whenever I do wrong or even pinch me harder on my inner thighs until it bled. The scare were visible from the nail marks on my cheeks which sent pitiful looks from other family members especially her younger sister who would reprimand my aunt for being so mean to me. She would scold her that such was not right for them to do so because it wasn't what they had agreed upon when my grandfather decided to hide me in their custody far away from my biological father. And speaking about my father, they have instilled in my young mind that my father drowned over a bowl of stewed moringa leaf. Whenever there's a visitor, they would tell them to ask me: "What happened to your father?" and reply would be "He drowned himself over a bowl of malonggay (moringa)". There were times when it came into my mind looking at a bowl of soup and thinking just how small my father was. Was he an elf like the ones I read in my storybooks? Lol! I later understood that it was the term used for kids like me with no father. How sad!:(
Children of God?
But thanks to our Sunday school. Our teacher would say that we're the chosen children of God and that we're special in His eyes. All we need to do is be good and behave well in school though I can hear them talking thay they pity me and wish they can adopt me instead. They would give me food and toys which I happily accepted but got scolded again with matching pinch and spanking because I made them look bad in the eyes of others! There were instances when I tried to hold my breath and hope to die to end my agonies. I learned to hate my mom for leaving me behind.
Deception
In contrast to their cruelties, my grandfather thought that I was in good hands and his decision to keep me away from my father was right. I found out that he and my father's father were once mortal enemies especially when my mother got pregnant at the age of 14 and my father was 7 years older than my mom. My question is, do I need to suffer because of their indifference? What a cruel world!
Education is an advantage
Despite of it all, thanks to my education. I was sent to school among my cousins. I wasn't left behind since they were a family of educators and it would be a slap on their face if I was not sent to school. I got the impression of being their slave not their cousin and I have to work for what I eat everyday! Seeing my classmates' situation and status were a lot different from mine.
My Nightmare
Things got worst when I grew up as a teenager that my uncle tried to molest me without the knowledge of my aunt and my cousins. I was faced in a dilemma whether to report him to my aunt's sister who usually stood for me and who would believe me? They're a well-known family and well respected by others! From worst to worse, my aunt died at the age of 52, leaving us four at home including my 3 cousins and him. The two went to the university and I was left with their youngest who was 4 years younger than me. When I was alone, he would make a pass and whenever I seek refuge inside my bedroom, he would lock me inside. But thanks to my athletic prowess, I've learned to jump from the window and merely walk out as if nothing happened. I would go to the gym to play lawn tennis or basketball or play softball. Their family was known to be athletics and that includes me. Perhaps, my being a hardworking person turned me into a sturdy individual. For all they know, that while holding the softball bat, I was imagining that I was hitting my uncle's head instead of that ball which was refreshing!
Insecurities
My insecurities made me a loner but thanks to my being an athlete that I made a lot of friends and working at home became an ordinary chores to me. True to what my Sunday school teacher used to tell me that God is on my side, became a reality. My uncle could no longer keep to himself and tried to rape me because I never consented to his advantages. I even kneeled down and asked for mercy asking why he's doing such to me when my mother is his sister after all. He left without saying anything. It was then that I vowed to myself that I would never kneel again! It's either I kill him myself and run away! It was a blessing in disguise that he died with a single shot right on his chest during the uprising in our place. I silently uttered my thanks to God for not forsaking me. My hands were not stained by his blood!
Everything happens for a reason
Everything happens for a reason. I diverted my emptiness through my drawings and handicrafts which I learned in our Home Economics class. I have encountered many obstacles in life but I have endured the inevitable. My marriage was not perfect at all but he was a good provider. We were gifted with 5 beautiful kids who now have their own respective families. After I resigned from my office work, I made sewing as my source of income and of course, writing online is my bread n' butter. My kids support me though I never made demands from them.
As of now, writing is my passion and being here is such a blessing! Thank you for reaching this far and I hope you didn't find my testimony boring.:) Feel free to give your opinions and comments as well. I composed this nonstop with my vivid memory of the past but rest assured that it was written straight from my heart. I have prettily moved on though there are instances when your thoughts are triggered when you're down from watching TVs that are reflections of the past.
Till then,
