The “Hard No!” Baseline
As we go through life gaining life experiences, both positive and negative there are some experiences that we decide that we never ever want to experience again.
It might be because of fear, or something made you angry or you got hurt doing something.
These are what I would call a “Hard no!” experience.
Like saying no, but harder. It’s a non negotiable stance, putting your foot down so to speak.
Every so often, there will be the opportunity or an offer to go back into those difficult situations, toxic relationships, negative financial situations, toxic workplaces.
This is where the “Hard no!” comes in. It’s a form of both self discipline and self respect.
You don’t want to go back, but… the situation was familiar.
It’s easy money to go back to that toxic workplace or it’s a shortcut to easy sex in that toxic, abusive relationship.
It’s tempting to spend money down to a level that matches your self esteem. You might have been raised poor and that being poor is all you’ll ever be and therefore you’re not worthy of having money or nice things.
What about having an addiction you want to get clean from?
There are people who will enable those addictions, encourage you to go back to using, injecting or drinking.
“Come on, just one, it won’t hurt! Are you chicken?”
So what’s the solution?
If you want your life to improve, the “Hard no!” needs to become your baseline, like a principle.
Maybe you’ve worked hard enough to escape welfare?
Staying off of welfare then needs to be your baseline, the lowest point you’ll accept before fighting back.
Maybe you’ve been sober for a while, it would be worth ending your association with addicts who want to keep you addicted and other enablers and deciding to never ever go back to that life style.
Financially, you might decide to never have less than $100 in your primary bank account. It could later be set to $500 as your account starts to grow.
These are baseline amounts that you can choose to not go below, maybe set up automatic payments to an account you can’t touch to ensure the baseline remains in place.
I have a friend who has spent time in and out of homeless shelters. She raised the money to fly to Hawai’i with her parents and I asked to set a baseline of never going back to the homeless shelters.
She ended up in Colorado, was going to get married to a guy but ultimately dumped him for someone more economically stable and far more interested in her.
She’s been with this new guy for 6 months and they are moving in together. Finally she has a roof over her head.
The next step for her is to make a hardline promise to never go back to the homeless shelters.
That’s all from me today. Thanks for reading and please consider setting a few “Hard no!” baselines for your life, but make sure they’re achievable.
Small steps forward are better than impossible leaps.
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