The mind needs cleansing just as the body does from time to time if not on a day to day basis. I have been practicing gratitude for years but somehow a mental cleanse just skips my mind and I don't do this as often as I should. It is not that I don't understand the importance of a mental cleanse, I know it too well, but some how I've been reoccupied with my health and other things and have let it sit on the back burner of my mind.
What worries me the most?
I don't worry too much, I am not a worrier. However, there are things that stay at the back of my mind dampening my spirits from time to time. It stays so much in the background that it is often hard to recognize.
This causes a dull ache, a pain in your mind for no reason at all. Obviously there is a reason. It may not eat me up but does distract me from the moment and makes it difficult for me to enjoy the present.
I've been pushing it back and pretending that it doesn't exist I have been cheating myself so this last weekend I decided to face it face to face. My pain I recognized originates from the uncertainty of life - how long do I have left on this Earth
I am not sure if I'll live to see tomorrow maybe I could even live to see and play with my grand kids. Thinking about this made one thing clear to me, no one can be sure about tomorrow. What we have is the now. I know this for a fact and yet I have not accepted this as a personal reality.
Whether you are alive or not things have a way of taking care of themselves. This reminds me that when I lost my dad I was 12 years old. All my siblings were in school or college, life didn't stop for us then, it will not stop for my boys either. We have all done well and overcome every hurdle that was placed before us. It's plain arrogance to think that I need to be alive to see my children through everything. I am only a weak mortal, not an immortal being or a superhuman. There is only so much I can do.
What people do is their business, I am only accountable for myself. I often take the burdens of the others upon me and let what is happening to others worry me to such an extent that I lose sleep and my health over it. There is nothing much I can do, people make their own decisions and live their own lives, I just need to live mine. This is simple, right?
Live for yourself. I forget this so often, I am always living for others. I put myself last and neglect myself and this has brought me to where I am in the health sphere. I need to learn to live for my happiness, doing the things I love. I cannot allow my life to come to a standstill because I need to be there for someone. I am not selfish but I need to be realistic.
People come and go in life, learning to let go is so important. This life is about me, I am the hero of my story. I just cannot understand why I don't get this. People are just the side kicks in the play of my life ( they are the heroes in theirs). They have a role to play and when they are done they go, I cannot make them extend themselves any longer than they really should. I've got to learn this sometime soon. I cannot afford to get hurt so often and worse still let the hurt linger on.
Don't hold on to the past. I don't do this so much, but then there are some strands and threads that need to be cut off. The past is behind me, no matter how lovely it was I cannot hang on to it.
Don't hang on to things. Things should not take a huge place in our life. Attachment to things is asking for pain. Nothing in life is permanent, I've been learning just give away stuff, stuff only means clutter. I am fine with giving away stuff but I need to have the right attitude towards it, I need to be happy to give away stuff.
Live today like it's the best day of your life. I have always thought that I need to live my life like its the last day. Nonetheless, if I knew today was my last day I would be sad or upset. I want to live each day like it's the best day of my life.
These are some of the areas I need to focus on. This weekend I took the time to look deep within and see myself for who I am. I am okay with not being perfect, at least I know what I should do now.
Thanks for hanging in there with me, your support is greatly appreciated.
**All images used in this post belong to me and were taken on my Canon 1100 DSLR and Canon powershot point and shoot digital camera.