Many times, we assume family is just… there. A given. Something fixed, guaranteed. And honestly, it’s not that simple. Blood and ancestry might connect us on paper, sure, but what truly holds people together isn’t genetics, it’s choice. It’s empathy. It’s the shared desire to actually enjoy life side by side. That’s how something ordinary turns into something unforgettable. A pizza, a random selfie, even a quiet Sunday walk under messy spring rain can become meaningful, but only because of the people you share it with.
Sometimes we belong to a group. Other times, we drift away from the very people we share blood with, because beyond that, there’s nothing tying us together. I once learned something that stuck with me from someone I deeply love, someone I’d give my life for, but who couldn’t donate me a kidney even if they wanted to, simply because we’re not biologically related. That hit me hard. It made me realize that as adults, we’re responsible for choosing who stays in our lives. It goes against everything we’re taught about destiny or family being “forever,” but if you really look at your strongest relationships, the ones that actually hold, you’ll see it’s true.
I’m not saying you can’t find real connection within a traditional family. Of course you can. This is just how I see it. Growing up, I was incredibly isolated. Not because of anything physical or mental, but because I lived through experiences that made me feel like an outsider. That shaped me. It built my personality around survival more than warmth. I used to imagine simple things, like picking flowers with my mom or laughing over tea in the late afternoon sun. None of that ever happened for me.
So I became self-reliant. Strong, in a way that isn’t always easy for others to understand. “She’s tough,” people say. I’ve heard that more times than I can count. Even now, at my daughter’s school, that’s how I’m seen. And my daughter, who thankfully grew up in a completely different emotional environment, sometimes sees me that way too. Strong. A little intimidating. And honestly, I think it all comes down to how love shows up in your life, or doesn’t. In my case, there was more absence than anything else.
But my daughter? She’s the opposite of me. And because I’m her mother, I’ve made a conscious effort to break that pattern. For her, family, friendship, joy… those things are normal. They’re part of her everyday life. I don’t let a day pass without kissing her forehead before bed or hugging her when I get home. Every couple of weeks, my boyfriend, my daughter, and I go out, eat together, take pictures, laugh. We’re small, yeah, but we’re solid. We take care of each other. And that’s the whole point. Like I said at the beginning, we’re responsible for choosing our family. I still believe that. And I try to live up to it, as best as I can.