I've always strived for independence and never allowed my livelihood rest on the hands of someone else. If I need something done, I did it myself and if I didn't know how, I'd teach myself or find another way. However, one thing I've learned about being independent is that once you've achieved it, you feel alone in the world because it seems like everyone else is whining.
People have always called me smart because of this, but it doesn't feel like an intelligence issue to me. It just seems like common sense that after you become an adult, it's your responsibility to take care of you. It makes zero sense to expect someone to carry you.
Furthermore, it also leaves you beholden to other people. It means they control what you do and when you do it, and to me, that's unacceptable. I am a sovereign vessel and who are they to decide my life like I'm cattle? We been there, done that already.
Please people. Always strive for independence. Do not be a thorn in someone else's side. You are a grown person and although people may not say it to your face, they are looking down on you as a child. They are also talking behind your back, while smiling in your face.
Stop asking people for money. Their wallet is not your wallet. If you don't have it, then you weren't meant to because you didn't earn it. When Capital One said, "What's in your wallet?", they shouldn't have to look and see you there.
Stop asking people to "hold you down". I don't know who came up with this, but in the world of mature adults, it's cringe. This just screams, "I'm a freeloader" or "I can't stand on my own two feet". If you wonder why your friends start ghosting you, this is why. You are a grown adult. You are not their responsibility, and they're not obligated to make you one.
Don't make your urgency, someone else's emergency. You knew you had to pay it, so plan ahead. Keep an emergency fund on deck. Stop using the excuse that you don't make enough to save because you're reading this right now on a $500-$1000 phone which is more than ample for a fund. Your problem isn't saving, it's setting priorities and money management.
Don't make asking someone your first go-to. If you do this, then you'll never learn how to deal with situations when there's no one else around who can help you. Do your due diligence to resolve your issue on your own. Only ask for help if it's the last resort. Once you put this in practice, you will build your self-esteem to use your critical thinking to figure things out on your own.
This isn't Star Trek, so don't be a Klingon. No one likes clingy people. Refrain from always asking people to do remedial things that you can do for yourself. You're doing this because you're seeking attention and/or approval and this is a great way to lose friends and your reputation. No one likes people who do this even if they don't come out and say it. Have respect for peoples' time and space. You have two arms and two legs, so you can do it for yourself.
Once you achieve independence, stand clear the closing doors. You will become a magnet for those who haven't figured this all out yet and you may have to clear them. You may even lose some friends because you're going to have to close doors by setting boundaries or they will drain you financially and emotionally dry, just like you used to do to others.
Forward this to a freeloader friend. 🦉
Originally published at https://shaunie.nyc on April 22, 2024.