How am I supposed to feel after the loss of a being as important in my life as my dad?... It's been 25 days at this point, but beyond knowing that my dad is in a better place, away from the filth of human feelings and the impurity of earthly pleasures, we who are left, his family, have no manual on how to live without his presence.
I apologize for talking about this topic again, but as I have said before, Hive is the best place to vent, and my world at this moment is wrapped up in the transition we are currently going through. As I say in the title of this post, only the strongest pillars stand, and boy these difficult days many people pretend to make us think they are part of that beautiful treasure called family, but words are carried away by the wind; only actions show who is really there and who is not...
We find ourselves living the worst moment of our lives, the strongest moment in the history of my little family. Beyond the love and joy of being accompanied by our partners, the reality is that now only my mom, my brother and I are left. We are not a large family, but we are a beautiful and special family. I never thought about all the attack that people throw at families in times of mourning, whether with intention or not, but I think that here in Venezuela education is so bad that most people do not understand how far they can go.
Many people want to be part of your pain and pretend that you comfort them when we are the ones who are really devastated. Others tell you how you should feel, that you should not cry and how you should act, without knowing if we are ready or not, and until you thank them, wipe your tears and smile, they do not leave quietly, because they want and believe that everything will be erased only by their meddling. The worst of all are the people who even today approach you to find out what happened and how it happened, in fact I confess that I have no compassion for them.
I understand that life is difficult for everyone and that everyone has their own reasons for being or not in our lives; to be more specific, I resent the people who did not dedicate enough time to accompany my dad in his worst moment, in six months where he needed the constant company of the rest of the family and friends, but that almost did not happen. In fact, they abandoned us in December, emblematic days for us. The past no longer matters, but they are the same ones who keep telling you that you are not alone and who believe that a text message asking how you are solves and erases reality.
A very sad part of this story is the people who seek to destroy family togetherness and who put their stupid feelings of envy and emotional shortcomings above our mourning. I believe that a person who attacks us directly at a time when we feel so vulnerable and who does not understand what this event means to us does not deserve to be in our lives. There is too much to accept, accommodate, change, learn, unburden and drain to be wasting time apologizing for if we made a bad face or did not realize your existence at a time when we do not even remember our name because of the pain that overwhelms us. No matter how many material things you give or do, in a family like this one, love for each and every one is what is valued. What's the point of making cookies every day if you're going to sit there and eat them and criticize one of us?
Personally, I haven't even gone back to work, so I'm still working up the courage to continue to deal with all kinds of people and reactions. We all have different ways of acting, but in this era of mourning I have learned that I have always acted in the right way on this issue. I have never overstepped my bounds with anyone. I always come right out and say I'm sorry for their loss in a quiet moment, no matter if it's even been a while, because life tells you when you can be a pain in the ass or when you can't be a pain in the ass. But to try to get the whole story of what happened out of the family member is disrespectful (in my opinion). Maybe the problem is me being so secretive...
