I hope you will understand how one line can make you think a lot by reading this blog. Basically it started last night with a conversation with a senior colleague of mine.
I was having a deep discussion with a senior colleague last night about a job circular. He was sharing his opinion and experience about the job circular. He was sharing many stories of his current work life and past work life. How did his career start? What kind of moment has he faced? He talks about a lot of happiness, sometimes disappointment. But in between he said a line that really got me thinking, I mean I've never heard anything like that before. That's it
"Knowing that you will suffer, never sacrifice for others."
I was shocked after hearing this line because we have heard from childhood that always help people, work for the benefit of all, but this saying is the complete opposite of that principle. I hesitated and directly asked, brother, what do you mean by this? Do you mean that sacrifice is wrong?
He smiled a little and said, no, sacrifice is not wrong. But sacrifice is right only when it is done at the right time, in the right place and for the right people. If you continue to sacrifice for others knowing that you will suffer, eventually you will break yourself. Then you will have no more power. You will not be able to do anything for anyone or you will not have the strength to do anything. Before making a sacrifice, think—is it really necessary, or is it just an emotional decision?”
His words are true. We often bear our own pain. Ignoring many of my own dreams and needs and sacrificing for others. But that sacrifice is often not properly valued. Rather, people accept that sacrifice as their rightful right.
He also said that he has sacrificed so much in his career and family life. Since childhood, family, friends, office—everywhere I have given up for others. At first it seemed like I was doing something noble but after a while he realized, this sacrifice only made me weaker. Some people accepted the sacrifice with gratitude, but most felt it was their due. He said, "If you want to help with one hand, your other hand must be strong. If your strength is exhausted, you will not be able to help anyone."
I asked him, "Then shouldn't we help others?"
He said, "Of course it should. We're human, we're interdependent. But if you sacrifice your own strength, your own needs, and your own happiness to help others, then that's no longer helping. That's an injustice to yourself."
I asked a step ahead, because to me his words seemed to me that he was saying these words with more emotion, which created some questions in my mind, so I said that sacrifice is the basis of a relationship. If you don't sacrifice something for the other person in your career or your family life, the relationship will not last. Are you saying that no relationship should be abandoned?"
He profoundly said, "Sacrifice is definitely the basis of a relationship. But it should never be one-sided. If you find that your life is becoming heavy as you sacrifice, and the other party is only taking advantage of that sacrifice, then it is not a relationship but a one-sided understanding. Build a good relationship." It's about balance. Where both parties value each other's needs and happiness equally."
As I listened to my elder brother's words, I remembered those moments in life when I myself had made sacrifices that tired me out. Sometimes for family, sometimes to cope with the pressure of office work. Those sacrifices may have seemed important at the time, but later realized, those sacrifices had no meaning, because they were not properly valued.
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He added, "If you don't love yourself, if you don't meet your own needs, you can't really love or help anyone else." This word shook me. We often think that self-love is selfishness. But really, loving yourself is taking responsibility for yourself.
Sacrifice has a special importance in our society. Sacrifices are prioritized in family, relationships, and work. But sometimes it reaches a point where others create unfair expectations by calling it sacrifice. When it comes to family, we often see that older family members or those who are more responsible, have extra expectations. They try to manage everything by sacrificing their own happiness. This on the one hand increases the laziness of other family members, on the other hand pushes the deserter to stress and depression.
There are many instances in the office or workplace where colleagues have to shoulder the workload. At first it may seem like generosity, but eventually it turns into obligation. And in this cycle the person loses the joy and creativity of his work.
Sacrifice is very important in relationships. But when it becomes one-sided, the relationship loses balance. One side gets tired of always giving up, and the other side starts to think it's their right. It not only damages the relationship but also destroys the peace of mind of the person leaving.
This line taught me to think again. From the words of elder brother, I understood that sacrifice is noble only when it extends the helping hand to others, but does not harm one's own life. By taking care of ourselves, we can take care of others. So life is not about sacrifice, but about balancing one's needs, one's happiness, and one's responsibility to one's self. We talk a lot more. I shared my thoughts with you in this post. Let me know how you see this sacrifice. Share your opinion.