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Some children prefer their extended family over their immediate family because of the level of love, care, affection, and attention they get from them.
Extended family members assist in passing on cultural teachings and traditions, including language. For example, grandparents can share stories, skills, and teachings during their time with the grandchildren. Uncles and aunts, despite the fact that they have their own children, still take it upon themselves to mentor, guide, protect, and give us necessary advice.
Grandparent's Love
I've heard a lot of good stories and testimonies from friends about their extended families, and that makes me wonder why mine isn't like that. I thought about my extended family and their doings, and I came to the conclusion that no matter what I do or become in life, my extended family shouldn't have influence over my life. I don't know what a grandparent's love is, I have only one grandma alive from my mother's side, and she has never for once sat us down to tell us stories of the past or even how her children behaved when they were kids. I can't just say this is one thing I learned from my grandma or one of her sayings I can never forget; in fact, I can't remember having a one-on-one conversation with her before, and that made it seem as if she doesn't exist.
There's this particular close friend of mine; she's the only child from her parents before they got divorced, and she had to go stay with her paternal grandmother. She grew up with her grandma with the intention that her grandma was her mother. Everyone calls their grandparents grandma and grandpa, but my friend calls her grandmother mother.
The day she found out that she actually has a mother and that the person she has always called mother is her grandma, she couldn't believe it; it was as if her family life and personal life were turning upside down. She called me one day and said, "Vic, how can I have a mother who is married to another man with four kids and forget that I exist?" It was a painful situation that she could not understand. She said, "It's okay to get a divorce; it's okay not to live with dad; but how can she forget about me?" "I didn't even know who she was." My friend chose not to even forgive her mother for her actions and never to call her mother or even relate to her.
She told me how her grandma has been performing the duties of a biological mother despite her old age. She said one day, "When it's time for me to get married, my grandma will be the one sitting in the position of my biological mother."As God will have his way, my friend does not need to get a DNA test to know if she's really her child because there's 100% resemblance in terms of skin color, body shape, and the same voice when speaking. But she loves her grandma so much that even after becoming a big girl, she still stays with her. Unfortunately, one day God called grandma home, and that was the beginning of a new phase for my friend.
Even before the death of her grandma, I experienced what a grandma's love is like from her, and that made me wonder why my grandma is not like that.
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Relationship with Uncles and Aunts
Let's leave Grandma's issue for now. I have aunts and uncles too, but they're no-go areas for me. I remembered then, after I was done with secondary school and spent a few years at home working, that these people kept pestering my dad to allow me to take the jamb, promising that once I gained admission, they'd take responsibility. This is my fourth year in school, and none of them have ever called to ask how I'm coping. They stopped picking up calls, while some started bringing up excuses. I am just so grateful to God for the kind of parents I have, who don't get stuck in people's promises or depend on others; I've been doing well thanks to them.
Parents are separated or divorced, not the children or extended family. But my extended family is separated; my uncles and aunts choose their favorites among themselves and become enemies with the rest. They do things for one another with strings attached, expecting more in return. To be honest, I really don't have a problem with these extended family members of mine because, since day one of my life, they've never shown interest in us, and we grew up being isolated from them.
But there is this particular aunt from my mother's side who seems to be different; she stays abroad, sends money to my mom, and comes to visit whenever she returns.
She has financially helped my mom a lot; I can't deny that, but she does not show much concern for us, the children. Initially, I thought maybe it was because we were still young and there's nothing actually she can help us with for now, but when I was about to further my education, I contacted her and told her I needed money for my acceptance fee. She reminded me of how we both came from different states, even if we're of the same tribe. She told me my mother is the only sister she has in my family, and she doesn't have any business with us just because she had an argument with my dad and he told her to leave. We were all against my dad for that, and she knew, so it perplexed me that she could say something like that to me. It was then that I remembered that Mum is her favorite sibling, and that's why she shows only her love out of the rest.
Also, another of my maternal uncle and aunt, who are favorites of each other, almost deceived me into running away from home and coming down to the village to sell fruits while their children had already gained admission, and that was their solution to my own problem as my family isn't really capable.
How can a so-called family play favorites while also having enemies among themselves, choosing war over peace, hatred over love, and division over unity?I only know a few of my nephews and nieces because we hardly have family gatherings, and if we do, only a few of my family members attend.
When we, the children in my immediate family, misbehave, instead of scolding and correcting us, they use us to gossip, using our mistakes to set an example for their own children, and making fun of us, just because my dad is a pastor, so they expect us to be extraordinarily pure.
And at the end of it all, when God has set things straight for us, someone from my large family will come and Tell me what, how, when, or why a particular thing should be so or should be done. No, they don't get to influence how I live because, right from day one of my life, they were never there for me. They don't really have a say in the life I've lived without them.
Thank you for reading to the end.