Hi Hivers, it's Abeegail again. Welcome to my blog. Recently I had a disagreement with a coursemate of mine and while he was going all out, unleashing his anger, saying provoking things, I just kept quiet and was looking. After he was done, we later settled our differences. He was surprised as to how I kept quiet while he went on. For as long as I remember I was non confrontational, mostly because I couldn't fight, and I was scared of getting hurt.
But the longer I thought about it the more I realized that I've always tried to be the bigger person, the mature one, even when I was angry, I'll swallow my anger to be the mature one. Growing up we were not allowed to show our feelings of anger, we were taught that feeling angry is a bad thing but on the bottom line anger is just another emotion, one that we choose to ignore. Swallowing your anger, to be the bigger person doesn't always mean emotional maturity. You slowly chip at yourself to be social accepted as mature.
I learned to inhale when I wanted to scream, I smile when all I wanted was to shout, I explained other people’s behavior instead of considering my pain. I told myself that they didn't mean it like that, I'm above this, just let it go. This can slowly look like self abandonment. The sad part is that you didn't necessarily swallowed the anger because you were weak, but because you were trying to be good, because you didn't want to hurt anyone in a way that you've been hurt.
Anger is not immaturity. Sometimes anger is your body's way of saying that someone or something has crossed a line and needs to be addressed and you don't always need to shout and be reckless to address disrespect but you must not swallow everything just to be mature. Even if it means speaking up even if you voice trembles and threaten to break. It is about trying to be understood, when you've been the understanding one. Anger might be explosive and seen as a bad emotions but it's still an emotion and it needs to be felt. You can't keep pushing your anger down because some of it where meant to be heard.
It's Abeegail 💗✨
Still trying to set my emotions right.
Thank you for Reading All images are mine