To open this rustic door...
That is weary and worn.
Opening this door leads to a sneak peek at one of my regrets from my past.
For a few years, this thought of mine kept on repeating in cycle. I always think of what ifs with various scenarios inside my head.
If I can go back to the past, will it change anything?
Even though I know these thoughts will never come to reality unless you have broken the spacetime continuum, it is such wishful thinking. I can't help myself but to continue being a dreamer.
Since this prompt gave me the opportunity to have a time machine, let me continue being a visionary.
If I could go back to the past, I would like to follow my instinct or the Holy Spirit to save my great-grandmother from slipping down on the floor.
It was around when I was in my junior year of high school in the afternoon. My big brother didn't want me to borrow his PC., so I have no choice but to go outside and walk across the street, where the computer shop was.
Nearby, my great-grandmother lived in an apartment. When I was ready to enter the computer shop to do my homework for my English subject, my mind, instinct, or the Holy Spirit told me to visit my great-grandmother urgently.
I was confused and inexperienced at that time, and I never took the warning flaring inside of me, so I entered the computer shop to do my homework.
After I finished doing my homework, I went home, forgetting the warning earlier.
When I arrived inside my home, I wasted my time reading through my phone until I heard my mother talking to the phone accidentally. I decided to listen to their conversation since it sounded serious, and I discovered that my great-grandmother slipped on the floor with broken hips, and she was hospitalized.
If I saved her and followed the warning bells inside of my head, would I prolong her life? That was the question that was left unanswered.
She was strong and healthy before. After her operation from her broken hip, she turned weak and couldn't walk anymore until she had an Alzheimer.
As a domino effect, she died at the age of 97 when I was in my 3rd year of college back in 2018, and my grandfather's mentality deteriorated slowly.
Now, he is bedridden with dementia. I know he's heartbroken after his mother died since she was dearly loved.
Even with that fancy time machine, I do wish to turn back in time to save her. Alas, it was nothing but wishful thinking.
As everyone says, life must go on, and I accept the reality as I cannot change the past. There are pros and cons to going back to the past, but the question is...
Will I be the person of today if I go back to the past?
There are some pasts that I wanted to forget because they are painful and traumatizing, and even mistakes happen, but that is the beauty of being part of life as we turn wiser as we grow older.
Even though my great-grandmother died, I still remember her in my memory—not only her, but also those who died before me to my family and friends.
How bittersweet the memories are, but I am grateful that they were part of my life.
Even the autumn leaves fall; when winter arrives, the autumn leaves wither, so to in human life.