This is something I have pondered on for a while now. Something that many people won’t agree with but looking at it objectively, removing all form of sentiment and emotion, it is the truth.
I saw a tweet on X and it was towards a least liked male influencer who had a knack for putting down women who don’t meet his standards for beauty or modesty. He is always lashing at their dressing being too much or too little. This time, a lady who must have had enough picked on him too and other women joined her. Some men too.
He posted a photo showing off muscles as a man who works out and he was only in gym shorts. The lady pointed out his hypocrisy and asked that he covers up. Now, I understand that she may have been taking sarcasm to a different level but then, many others took it personal. Especially those he had lashed on. Some men came for him too. They were all of the opinions that he was showing way too much skin on social media.
Now, I understand that part. Modesty doesn’t only apply to one gender in society. There is what we call decency and it isn’t limited to just one gender. I’m not a fan of men opening up their bodies on the internet. It’s a red flag for me and the excuse of being a man doesn’t cut it.
However, there was one narrative the women in the timeline were trying to push that put a damp on every other thing that they had communicated successfully. They were trying to say (in the worst way possible) that consequences men and women suffer in society are the same. This isn’t true. In terms of social norms, women tend to take it heavier. Now, I’m not trying to justify anything. What I’m saying is, men and women aren’t equal.
Yes. I said it. It took me a while to see it but I did. In frame, men are stronger. And in regards to this event that happened on X, the man will face no consequence whatsoever (especially in a country like Nigeria). There is already a belief that the woman has more to lose when she’s exposed and that is true. A woman is born with value, men are not. Men earn their value by bearing responsibilities.
A woman has more chances of being favored by men around her, that isn’t the same for men. A man would literally be swallowed by his problem and say nothing about it. He might prefer to even cut off people so he can focus on one thing.
A building man has it worse. The woman by his side, well, they are two peas in a pod. She also has her own fair share to deal with. It’s not as easy as just “waiting”.
A building man may not have the time to carry on the conversation, he might not be as present as he was, he may seem detached and emotionally unavailable but he would show up for those that matter to him. However, he is limited. He is only one man. He can’t sustain everything without help. A man is taught to build in silence. He is taught to move forward bearing the weight of all he is - doubts, fears, pain.
It’s not the same for women. Women are very in tune with our emotions and we break down. It varies of course but we have people we open up to. Girlies who always have advice and many times, even their significant other who most of the time happens to be a man.
Now, the narrative the lady was trying to push on X is valid. Decency is not a one way street. However, the way she tried pushing it is what I don’t agree with. Men and women are equal in terms of humanity but not societal consequences.
I tried sharing this with someone and she wasn’t happy that I was “defending the man”. I understood her anger but she has a lot to learn. Truthfully, we are all created to fulfill our purpose whether we be men or women. None is more significant than the other but the consequences are always there. Depending on how you decide to see it.
