A few days ago, I came across a video that was talking about the twenties. It spoke on how the twenties are for exploring, making mistakes and learning from them. There were examples given pertaining to relationships (both romantic and not), business, school life and a lot more. I agreed. The twenties are indeed to explore, to discover oneself and to learn what you want to be.
While I listened to what was being said by this woman, I also heard what had not been said. We agree that our twenties are to explore and discover, however, I would also point out that there have been several cases of exploring out of purpose. I have seen my mates and peers explore till they are thrown out of purpose. This brings me to another video I watched where a different woman made the same statement I had in my head. She said it is good to push yourself, explore, test the waters but never do that crossing the boundaries of your true purpose.
It may sound silly or even confusing but then, I was having a conversation with someone who is now my friend and she made a statement that made me understand quite a lot of things. She said she always knew what kind of life she wanted to live and many times she has been faced with decisions that always came to test her resolve. She had outlined her values, set up her principles and every action she took, she stayed within boundaries of these things. She had seen what she wanted to be not really because she had it all figured out but because she already determined that where she came from was not enough. So, if she wanted to be different, she had to think, act and move differently.
Now this caught my attention. So I asked her how she came to that conclusion because most of us in our twenties are already struggling with who we are much less deciding who we want to be. I also pointed out that many of us do not have the strength or will yet to lay that foundation. She then said that she first took inventory of her relationships leading up to that point. She was sure she didn’t want to end up like her mother (who put her trust in a man only to be cast aside for another woman) or her sister (who was already a single mom of two due to poor decisions), neither did she want to be like her brother (who was now in his thirties and doing odd jobs because he hasn’t accumulated enough experience to work in better places). She said she decided this as early as 23 years old (she’s now 29 and doing mighty fine for herself) that she wanted to be different.
She wanted to build something and be someone outside the box of her family. I asked her how she decided that her current career was the right one and she answered that she didn’t really pick a career out of passion but necessity. She said careers would be the foundation for your success because it brings about discipline and self improvement. She said she worked in that sphere of influence for five years to start what she has now (her business which happens to be her passion - Cosmetics) and while she’s still working as a chartered accountant, she is building her business.
In the end, we spoke about what it means to find purpose and how to explore within the boundaries of it. We both agreed that there isn’t one way to discovering purpose as people are all from different backgrounds with different perspectives. However, while it takes time to discover purpose through exploring, it also requires certain aspects to be set in place.
You can’t discover your purpose until you have set rules in place as your guide. It is very easy to lose focus in this world of many distractions. To relax with a lazy mindset thinking there is still time. No one is asking that you don’t live your life but live it within boundaries. Have values you live by, set up principles, and surround yourself with the right people.
My sister came to me with this dilemma last night asking how she can socialize more. I told her she has already started but all she needs to do now is have clear goals of what she wants and set up rules to keep her on the path. She needs to have standards or she would be swayed by every form of doctrine. I gave instances using myself too as an example. I know the kind of life I want to live. I have seen what I want to make of myself five years from now. Which means that picture depends on what I do right now. Every decision I make now will be the outcome of tomorrow and while I kick back once a while to relax, I do so within my boundaries.
The kind of people I want to meet or socialize with won’t be found in certain kind of places. My purpose is tied down to a very specific kind of lifestyle and this is why I am not free to be a social butterfly. Not like I can’t be but my vision is the limit to how far I can go with exploring.
Michael Jordan was also faced with a choice right before he became the success you all see today. That choice was tied to his purpose and he made the right one which is why you all know the name Michael Jordan. If he made the wrong choice, he may have just been another player with no tangible impact.
This is why exploring within your boundaries is so important. First, visualize the kind of life you want. Be honest and truthful with yourself. Then ask yourself honest questions. How do I go about making this life possible? Answer them, these would bring about your values, principles and standards. When you write them down, don’t just forget them. Take time everyday to read them out loud till they become a part of you and you can begin to act like it. That’s what it takes. If you’re gonna break the chains of limitations, it starts with a choice. Act now or later?
All images are mine
