While my free spirit has often been commented on, I personally don't think I'm as free as I could be, or perhaps would like to. I enjoy a bit of order, I like things that are well planned. For instance, I like to know that to get from Zadar to Zagreb later this month, I will take a bus. I like knowing how long that trip will take. How often buses run. Stuff like that. It's not because I handle unpredictability poorly, just that order makes life run more efficiently. Planning allows me to move faster than I would without a plan. And I like to go fast.
Yet, there is always room for the unpredictable. I'm learning the importance of being flexible, and able to adapt to the journey as it's unfolding. See, I'd planned my trip meticulously back home, and in my initial plans, I was looking forward to spending half of the winter in Prague, in the Czech Republic. Which is a lovely city. Part of the idea was spending Christmas there, and that then spiraled into "fuck it, let's do 3 months".
But being on the move, I got to thinking about things like what it means to be by yourself inside a rented apartment, how much I like to be able to move outdoors, how I crave things to do, and see, and discover. And while Prague is a lovely city, it is also very cold in winter. And I do not handle cold well. Naturally, the next question was
"What the fuck will I do in Prague for 3 months, in the coldest period of the year?"
From there, it was a swift slide into researching alternatives, and after a little push and pull, I've come up with a new plan. Only spend about 5 weeks in Prague, and then move on to the south of Spain for the actual winter. It implies a big difference in temperature, and I'm excited, as it will be a lot warmer than it is even in my own native Bucharest, and in a lovely area, between the sea and the mountains. This means I'll be outside more, and to me, that's imperative. Even in winter, I try to be outside as much as I can, but not really liking the cold, it can be tricky. I also think sunlight is very important. Winter depression is a real thing, you know? And you know why? Because you get a lot less sun than in other parts of the year. It fucks with your brain -- why would you choose that?
Which brought me to another lesson -- you gotta trust your gut feeling, and find places you resonate with. Me, I'd resonate much better with a place that is warm and close to nature, than a cold, busy asphalt city. And if the weather's so chilly there, it's a very long shot that I would resonate with Prague in the long-term, anyway.
The apartment I'm in now, in Zadar, again, is a place I deeply resonate with. I enjoy the open aesthetic, and the bright colors. I picked my Airbnb in Spain on the same considerations. I don't think it'd be wise to spend months in a place that doesn't make you happy to be there. I don't mean amenities. I don't care about a big TV, or a hot tub or whatever. I don't look for these things, and in terms of appliances, I search for the bare living minimum (though I do like a comfy bed). I'm talking about the vibe, I guess. About understanding who you are, and what you like, and then looking for places (and people) that resonate with that. I like places that are decorated well, with good taste, and care. not just throwing furniture together. I like places with a lot of natural light, and plenty of windows, so I can breathe.
I think if we all try to follow the same recipe, it's just gonna lead to disaster.
And it seems my year has been running in circles, in a way, returning to the same message - pay attention to the people, things and places in your life. Because 90% of the time, you already know how you feel about them. If they're something to keep, or leave, and move along. Listen to that.
Often, our conscious mind likes to get in the way, offer arguments, work to convince us to go against our gut feeling. Whether it's spending time in places that don't resonate, or giving your energy to people who aren't helping you grow, stop listening to those arguments, and start heeding that gut feeling.
Unapologetic -- never justify.
Following your instinct often puts you in a place where you're asked to justify your behavior, or even apologize for it. People who aren't good for you will still demand an explanation of why you're cutting them out. Plans will continue to hold you under a sort of moral obligation. You said you'd do this (whether it's traveling to the Czech Republic for a couple months, or marrying someone for the rest of your fucking life), now you better play nice and stick it out. Even if you don't feel it's right.
This is the stage where many lose their nerve. Rather than have to justify their behavior, or even more mortifying be unapologetic, and offer no explanation at all, they choose to "stick it out" with the hand they've been dealt, or more commonly, picked for themselves.
Being unapologetic is hard. That's because most of us are programmed to be agreeable, and make ourselves liked in our peer group. And to this, alas, there is no easy solution. No 5-step golden rule. You really do have to be the tough guy here, if only for a little while.
Move away from the people who don't resonate. And the spaces. And the jobs. Even if you get yelled at, or accused of treachery. In the end, that's like choosing the temporary sting of a slap, instead of the permanent discomfort of a broken bone.