Which isn't to say those horrors are not of value. Our current society latches on to trauma like it's a prized new toy, a possession to flaunt and lord over those less fortunate. In itself, that's a complex issue. Ours is an egocentric society because it can afford to be, or so we think. Now that the more pressing matters of famine and catastrophe have been stripped from us, we can afford to turn to other pursuits, like our own heads. Hence the intense focus on identity and mental health.
In itself, it's not new, it's a trend that traces back to mid, maybe late 19th century, and it was a gradual progression. In other words, we're not being mental on a whim. Though until recently, being sane and normal was perceived as a good thing. And yet, young people today tend to hold on to any tiny bit of hurt, imagined or real, ascribing to that an overwhelming and irrational identifying quality.
To say you're not defined by the atrocity you endure isn't just a cutesy "you got this" quote on Instagram. It's true, and it might not be as encouraging or happy as we first think. Because once you take away that survivor badge, who are you? It leaves you in a conundrum, which is why many people are adamant not to let go.
If you're the rape victim, you're someone. If you're the robbery victim, you're someone. Even got a "the" there and everything.
Surviving trauma is very hard, because it's everywhere, and because it's relentless. The people you love die, and you're left with this giant, human-shaped hole inside you that no one tells you how to fix. You get hurt, sometimes by people you trust, sometimes badly. You contract horrible, fatal disease for no reason whatsoever. Life's pretty terrible, if you look at it from the vantage point of all the shitty things that could happen. That do happen.
And the reason why surviving is so hard is that you don't get to define yourself everafter by the hardship you endured. Because that's not surviving. That's just going on, and sure, you can do that, too. There are things, usually loss, that make it so that you can't piece life back together. Not quite.And what gets me about this whiny first-world society is that it's taking away from those people, and their real hurt.And that's unfair, because they already got enough on their plate.
I think there are few things in life that you can't get past. Very few. And most of the modern-day victims of whatever-shaming, or whatever-phobia, they're just parasitic, piggybacking on humanity's natural sympathetic impulses. People are generally nice, so they'll feel for you if you say you feel bad. But it's gotten to an extreme. Now everyone's a victim, in a support group, championing some remote cause that doesn't need championing.
And the trouble there is, it's telling young generations that unless you have something bad going for you, then you're not a real person at all. The reason why this appeals to youth in particular is that a lot of these kids haven't encountered trauma of a real kind. They're kids, their parents and grandparents are mostly still alive, they haven't been hurt in any real, scarring sense. Because once you do experience that kind of visceral hurt, it's no longer cute, it's life-or-death. You either do your damnedest to fight your way up, or you go down for good, because we're only able to endure so much.
Survival isn't about defining yourself by your trauma. It's living every day, fighting not to let it define you. That's what survival is.
And so, in the interest of survival, maybe it's time we started promoting a different kind of mentality altogether. You should never run from your hurt, that does no one any good. But maybe you shouldn't be so keen to embrace it (and never let go).
Maybe instead of being the sum of all the deaths you've seen, you're the sum of the children you've had, or the children you've had a positive impact on. New life, not that which is gone.
Maybe instead of being defined by all the people that hurt and abused you, you're the sum of the people you helped, and supported, and encouraged, and loved.
And maybe, instead of drawing yourself in the things you've lost or that were taken from you, you reimagine yourself in all the things, and experience and knowledge you've gained.
Your story gets told regardless. You're the one who decides whether to tell it in the light, or in darkness.
What are you worth,
The things you love,
Or the people you hurt?
The things you love. Always.